Merry Christmas 2023

 

Merry Christmas 2023

A Visit From Little Prick/'Twas the Night Before the Pot Game
(reprinted from 2009 with updated names )

 

'Twas the night before the Pot Game, when all throughout Keene

Not a golfer was stirring, not even Billy D being mean;

The golf clubs were polished and ready to go,

In hopes that all the best players would show;

The Pot Gamers were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of birdies and skins danced in their heads;

And Suzy in her G-string, and I in my Yankees cap,

Had just settled down for a quickie and a nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what the f__k was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up on the sash.

The moon on the dew of the freshly mowed grass

Gave the appearance to me of Suzy’s firm little ass,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a dilapidated old golf cart, and eight drunken Pot Gamers dressed as reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be that Little Prick.

More rapid than turtles his coursers they came,

And he tried to whistle, then slurred, and called them by name;

"Now, Timmy! now, BB! now, Sars and Bear!

On, Fireman! on TJ! on, BK and Who the F__k cares!

To the top of the clubhouse! to the top of the wall!

Now stagger away! stagger away! stagger away all!"

Like Loy’s 20 dollars that before the wild winds fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the drunkards they flew,

With the cart full of Mic Lights, and the Little Prick too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The F__kin Bear’s birdie call of woof, woof.

As I stood there bollocky bare ass, and was turning around,

Down the chimney the Little Prick came with a bound.

He was dressed like a golfer from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of beers he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a Pot Gamer who had just bought a rack.

His eyes were all squinty! His hat was on crooked!

His cheeks were all stubbly, He looked pretty snookered!

His droll little mouth was drawn like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was dirtier than snow;

The stub of his cigarette hung from his lip,

And the ash curved down from the tip;

He had popcorn stuck to his face from the bar he just left,

He had so much of it on him, it could be called theft.

He was little and tiny, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know it was not long before he was ready for bed

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all my coolers; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his cart, and called out to his team,

God help me I just saw Sr naked, tell me it’s just a damn dream.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"I’m still The Commish, watch out for the cart eating ditch, I’m not having a good night."

Little Prick
Photo By Elf Enterprises

Spring Comes Early

Opening Day March 17 2012

As the last piles of snow are melting off the fairways and the frost heaves in the greens are subsiding, Pot Gamers are taking their clubs out of the closets and basements and placing them in the trunks of their cars in anticipation of Opening Day at Bretwood.  The record of earliest opening was March 17th 2012.  But the record will stand as the direct hotline from the "Big House" just rang at The Chuckster's house announcing his winter vacation is over and he is to report behind the counter Sat morning March 21st for opening day. 

Pot Games will take on a different look this spring given Covid-19.  All senior citizens (which is 85% of group) may have to self quarantine or at the very least keep social distance from the younger Pot Gamers.  Plus we can't have more than 10 (as per our President) play in the Pot Game.  If that wasn't bad enough when you finish and head to the deck, there will be no beers to buy or food to eat as all restaurants and bars in NH are closed as per our Governor.  Captains should bring hand sanitizer with them to use after they post scores in the pro shop computer.

The Commish will be deciding who gets to play as one of the 10 and who gets rejected.  So email your request to play along with a certificate from your doctor that you are virus free before Friday.  If you made the cut he will send you an invitation.  If you don't hear back you are on his shit list.  Commish said House need not apply.

A dozen or more (right handed) Pot Gamers got in practice this winter by playing alternating shot Pot Games at BB's man cave in Westmoreland.  Many tried but only one player mastered the game..Jonas.  It didn't matter who he drew for partner he was able to guide that person to victory time and time again, to the frustration of the host BB.  He won so much money The Big House found out and offered him the chance to invest his money in Bretwood stock.

Several Pot Gamers are coming off IR heading into golf season.  Mad Dog had hip surgery, Joey M knee replacement,  Billy D aka The Fixer hand surgery, Otis 2nd heart attack,  Birdie 'Trump Derangement Syndrome" and Jimmy was forced to go to Gamblers Anonymous meetings by his wife (it didn't work).  All hope to recover in time to play.

Given that seniors need to stay away (social distancing) from younger golfers Bear's return to blue tees this season will have to wait for safer times..  So he will remain a White Tee Slut.  Oh well...

Tournament Results 2019

The Durling

 

Everyone is Scratch when it comes to eating and drinking

Joey M has done it again..he found 23 other players he could stomach for two days and got them to pony up some cash to create the most fun tournament of the year  The Durling.  He chose the Leslie brothers as captains.  The Green team led by Captain Fireman had a furious comeback in the final matches to pull off the victory.  Although there are bragging rights that come with victory, the after party with beers and mounds of wings, nachos and ribs makes everyone a winner.  Although for four players the food didn't taste quite as good or the beer quite as refreshing as they were the O'fer Brothers who never made a point for their teams.  There was a pair from each team.  But there was one player stood out as the only one with a perfect 3-0 record, Blais.  He was Fireman's secret pick..that he saved for a late round.  Everyone is looking forward to next year.  Special thanks BB Productions for all the photos.

Joey M, The Torch, Bear, Rama Yama 0-3

Fireman's Secret Pick 3-0 Blais

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Tournament that almost wasn't..

BB ran a very successful Pick Your Partner Tournament in 2018, however when he tried to duplicate it this year he ran straight into a problem with keeping the same format as last year.  Because all the white tee sluts have their score posted from the blue tees, their handicaps have all plummeted.  So trying to get teams that had a 10 handicap or higher proved to be almost impossible.  So he first decided to raise the limit to 12 .  He got a few teams but not enough.  The winners from last year The Fixer and Jonas couldn't play together because of their handicaps.  So he decided to go straight quota and you could play with whomever you wanted.  That's when he filled the field but most teams from last year didn't stay together.   Quota showed who was hot and playing better than their handicap.  Fireman and Andy Mac were up to the task on the strength of Andy Mac's 8 point eagle on the 14th hole, posting +13.  Nick at Night and CFC came in second.  There is one couple who are getting a divorce and that is the Tournament Director BB and Bear.  Finishing near the bottom last year and dead last this year brought them to the realization that they are a better team when they are not in the same foursome.  Not sure what the format will be for next year but I'm sure it will change again.

Fireman & Andy Mac 2019 Champs

 

Runner Ups Nick At Night & CFC flashing gang signs

Cheez has reported in from Paris..I guess he survived his river cruise, Sally didn't throw him overboard.  The "Sticks" in FL had a bet he wouldn't make the whole trip.

Sandy won so much money off The Torch this summer he has opened his own investment company this fall.  He called it JD investments..short for Jimmy Dollar Investments.

Birdie giving 2 to 1 odds that Trump won't get re-elected in 2020.  No bet is too large he says..

Commish may be done for the year as the cold weather starts up and his fingers turn into icicles.

The Fixer has lifted the Skooger ban with Chuckie and is looking forward to his annual fall Pot Game with the Skoog.

Out of Hybernation

The snow is starting to melt, day light saving time has extended our days and Pot Gamers are trying to shed the extra pounds hanging over their belts.  Spring must be here..

Before we look ahead lets take a quick look back at some highlights of 2018.

Joey M otherwise known as your Tournament Director did another great job organizing two great days of fun and competition keeping the tradition of The Invitational alive and well.  The Deacon was smiling from somewhere (not sure if was looking down or up).  Commish and Molasses Boy selected their teams at the Fireman hosted Pick'em Party with perfection.  Grey team held a big lead going into singles on Sunday and watched as the Green wave racked points early but held on at the end for the win.  Everyone filled up on beer and wings and ribs and talked about they can't wait until next year.

Losers on the left Winners on the right (Photos by BB Productions)

BB created a new tournament called Pick-Your-Own Partner, which at times morphed into a Sadie Hawkins Dance. Commish wooed Torch and swept him off his feet.  The couple that won almost didn't happen.  Billy D aka The Fixer wanted Chris as his partner but Chris couldn't play on the scheduled day. So Billy D asked Jonas instead.  But when Chris rechecked his calendar in his phone he realized he could play.  Billy D was about to dump Jonas and ask Chris again but stopped himself in mid sentence. He rode Jonas's birdie barrage for the victory.

 

Commish asking Torch with a rose. (Photos by BB Productions)

Billy D and Jonus 2018 Champs (Photos by BB Productions)

BB Checking on the Patient (Photo courtesy of CFC's hot nurse)

CFC scared the crap out of everyone by having a heart attack and getting some new plumbing courtesy of CMC.  The doctors told him with more blood pumping through his system he should pick up 10-15 yards off the tee with his driver.  So back to the blue tees for 2019. 

Speaking of which 2018 was the year of the White Tee Sluts.  Molasses Boy started a stampede when he defied the Commish and declared he was going to the white tees.  Pretty soon all the old Pot Gamers looking to shot in the 70s again declared they were going white.  Dougie, Dr Dave, Chimney and Bear are rumored to thinking of making the switch for 2019.

According to an inside source of The Gazette's the start of the 2019 season may happen this weekend on the South course only.  It all depends on how much rain tomorrow and how much frost comes out of the ground.

The Big House has been putting pressure on Chuckster get some cash flow and to start selling memberships even when there was snow all over the course.  They made him man the Pro Shop in early March with no heat  (electricity too expense) or running water.  All he had was a thermos of hot coffee and his ear muffs to keep him warm.  Billy D was his first customer after came off the slopes and they negotiated how much it will cost the The Fixer to be guaranteed a great captain every Pot Game.  According to our source the cost went up more than double.

The Torch may have crossed over to the rainbow coalition side.  This winter he posted on Facebook how excited he was to receive his first pedicure.  I guess going on a date with Commish can really change a guy.

TJ, Chris and NNN sneaked away to Florida over the winter to keep their games sharp.  But Bermuda rough is not quite the same as frozen tundra and snow banks, so chances are they won't be as sharp as they think they will be.

Eric the Red former Pot Gamer and son of the infamous Cheez is now the head pro at Crotched Mtn Club in Francestown.   Congrats to him.

Who's Hot and Who's Not (Gazette's Crystal Ball)

Hot List

One of the Leslie Twins will be.  But we not sure if it will 40 or Fireman.  It hasn't come into focus yet.

Sandy has been training all winter since he nothing else to do because his beloved Cowboys stunk and he didn't waste his time watching them.

Jay Esch plays every day in sunny Florida but he never putts out.  He considers that part of the game a waste of his time.  Plus smooth greens of down South don't resemble the lumpy bumpy ones we play on.

Chimney his pivot on the wrong foot swing works in cold weather or hot.  His rama jama putting style is perfect for frozen greens.

Birdie will use his low ball flight in spring winds to his advantage, never mind the extra roll he will get from the frosty fairways.

Not List

Skrocki his medical marijuana card went through the washing machine and got destroyed and won't be replaced for several more weeks.  So he won't be as "chill" on the golf course this year as he was last year unless he finds a local supplier in the meantime.

Mad Dog has come down with new ailments over the winter.  He has a bad wrist from lifting up one of his beehives trying to scrape every last drop of honey for a few extra bucks.   He has eye strain from looking at his investments and stocks on his computers late into the night in a dark room (saving electricity).  Don't count on him to lead your team for at least a month or more.

Dicky Mac's  short swing doesn't work well in cold weather.  He needs at least 70 degrees to get all those carpet laying muscles warmed up enough to work.

Andy Mac's beer belly has grown back so he is in the process of revamping his swing to an out to in from an in to out.  Let's just say he is a work in progress.

Jerry Maguire made a few visits to his old stomping grounds in RI over the winter.  The only problem he pissed off a couple of mafia guys in a bar by talking too loud so now he is laying low out of sight.  In order to play golf he going to have to be in disguise which will really mess up his game more than usual.

Blais because he petitioned to go to the red tees and was denied by the Commish.  He wrote to the USGA rules committee for a clarification on legality of a one person dictatorship being able to set the rules for a group of golfers.  He wants majority rule.. I think he will be waiting a long time.


So dust off your clubs, check to see if you can still fit in your shorts and get ready to tee it up at old Bretwood this weekend.

Almost Time

The "Big House" is in full panic mode with no revenue from green fees and no membership dues coming in yet.  Two years ago they couldn't collect the money fast enough with opening day on St Patrick's Day.  It is so bad that Mad Dog had to cut way back on buying gold bars since his dividend checks aren't coming in yet.  Rumor has it he built a special room in his basement to store the gold bars. He calls it "Little Fort Knox".  Only he and his #1 son Mini know the combination to get in.

Molasses Boy had to be rushed to the emergency room on Sunday.  He thought he was having the "big one" when Tiger came within 1 stroke of the lead at Arnie's tournament.  The thought of Tiger almost winning and having to pay off all his big money bets that Tiger would never win again (he is very cheap) the stress overwhelmed him.  But before they could hook up the EKG to his chest, he found out Tiger snapped hooked it out of bounds and instantly the chest pains went away.

Dougie has vowed to play more golf this summer and do less hiking since he has conquered all the Presidential Range summits.   He wants to beat Billy D for the most rounds by a Pot Gamer.

CFC has decided to switch to right handed clubs.  He found out his swing speed is 22 mph faster from the right side.  Oh course his swing speed was measured by Jerry Maguire after he had consumed a few cocktails.  Being the youngest "White Tee Slut" he is willing to try anything that will move him back to the blue tees.

Blue Tees has been wintering in Florida for several months getting his game in shape.  When he comes back and consistently shoots in the low 70s, he figures the Commish will have to make him a Captain.

Bear will have to find a new putting stroke because after his knee replacement he put on so much padding around his middle he can't see the golf ball from his normal stance.  Plus he thinks he is going back to carrying his bag and walking 18 holes...can we say oxygen will be needed.

NNN has decided that the Pot Game is a joke (someone else said that once).  He has told the Gazette he will only play in State and New England wide tournaments where he can be challenged by his peers and receive the publicity he seeks.  I guess Chris McL taking his Cities title away from him did a tune on his ego.

Sadly there won't be any Roy Boys playing in the Pot Games this summer.  Danny aka The Mixologist was told by his girlfriend that his golfing days are over.   It may have something to do with her finding out about him playing a few Saturdays last summer when she was away and he missed her call while he was enjoying a cold one on the deck.  So sad...

If you spot any of these former Pot Gamers make sure to extend an invitation for them to come back to play with us anytime.  Scotty-Steve,  Coach,  Donny Roy,  Sr,  Jr,  Sully,  Murt,  New Orleans Nicky and The Cat.

Time To Get Ready

As the snow slowly melts away from the last week's March blizzard, thoughts of teeing it up by St Patty's Day seem unrealistic but opening day is not that far away.  So now is the time to get your swing in shape or plan a quick trip to CT or the Cape to work out the kinks.

Below are the wishes for some of the Pot Gamers for this coming season as told to the Gazette by family, friends, enemies and the rumor mill at the Friday coffees.

House wants Loy to show up every weekend so he can play him a three hole match from the golds after each has consumed at least three beers.  Neither one ever has any cigarettes on them so it will interesting who succumbs to nicotine withdrawal first.

Jimmy The Torch wants Bear to declare auto dogs with him every week.  I would not bet on that happening.

Fireman wants to heal after he hip checked his way onto the injured list playing adult hockey.   He could be joining the knee surgery club this spring.


Chimney wants to continue his reign as champion on the chipping green for mythical dollars.  Chimney's technique of hooding his wedge and stabbing the ball taking mini divots is driving Fireman crazy.

DMac wants to find the player who is ruining the collar around the chipping green taking mini divots.

Cheez wants to find a new group to play with since he has been kicked out of the "Sticks" for the following rules violations:  Failure to pick up any flag sticks during a round, clearing his throat when someone is putting, not knowing where his ball went after he hits it and putting to a palm frond  instead of the hole costing his team the match.

Commish wants to be accident free for 2018 after the following in previous years.  Burns down house using hairdryer to thaw out pipes, squashes finger in truck gate and has Vet set it with an arc to fit on golf club,  Smashes thumb with an axe,  drives Rat Mobile into ditch breaking multiple ribs,  falls down flight of stairs trying to find bathroom,  rolls tractor he is driving backward over hill smashing fencing for alpacas and goats sending them in all directions.

Commish Showing Tractor Skills

Joey M wants to find a way to eliminate all white tee sluts from the Durling since it cost him from being on the winning team last year.  Speaking of the Durling save the dates of August 24th for Pick'em Party and 25-26th for matches.

Billy D wants to find a way to get back in Joey M's good graces having blown off the Durling last year for a fishing trip.

Molasses Boy wants to go to the red tees so he can shot his age every week.  If he pulls another tantrum like last year he will have no group to play with because the head of the Teachers group said they don't want him either.

Skrocki wants to finish his rehab so he and his new hip can tee it up on opening day.  Maybe his bad hip was the cause of his chipping woes.

Birdie wants to challenge Commish to another Battle At the Beav this summer.  But most of all he wants more clear thinking liberals like him to join the Pot Game.

TJ wants his wrists to stop flipping on him at impact causing the his famous duck hook.  He has been scouring the internet all winter to find golf gloves that restrict wrist movement.

BB wants to add 20 yards to his drives to keep up with his sons.  He installed a launch monitor at his indoor driving range to tract his launch angle.  When Nick and Jack were asked for comment they just smiled.

Mad Dog wants to jack his handicap up so he won't have to give strokes in all his dollar-a-hole matches.  He has been consulting with Otis who has a Masters Degree in sand bagging as to how best to go about it.

Mini wants to find another winter job after he quit working for Mad Dog's new venture the Pot Of Gold Pub.  It seems Mad Dog loved Ireland so much he used some of his millions to open an Irish Pub in his basement and hired Mini to be the bartender.   Mini quit when he found out he had to wear a leprechaun outfit during parties.







Chuckster wants all Pot Gamers to call in on time and to not have to listen to their stories recounting every shot when they come in from playing bad.

Andy Mac wants to see if his new swing will turn his hooks into the power fade he desires so he can start racking in the dollars from all his matches he has on auto dogs.

Jay Esch wants the same thing every year.  He wants to figure out which way his putts break at Bretwood without asking his playing partners.  That wish is most likely dead on arrival.

What we all want is to gather each weekend, play a little golf, then laugh and tell stories on the deck.  Which is what makes the Pot Game special.

Where Did The Summer Go?

When the "Durling" concludes this weekend it marks the end of the summer season and the beginning of the fall season with frost delays right around the corner..

So what has happened all Summer in the Pot Game?  Here is recap and a few highlights and lowlights.

The Chuckster is still the smiling face behind the Pro Shop counter but now he wears a badge that says "Director of Golf".  He even handles the pressure of Pot Gamers calling in, making teams up and serving customers who want a cart, range balls or green fees.   Something his predecessor couldn't always handle that's why he once instituted a ban on "calling in" to say you were playing.

The "Rat" aka Commish is back in power after handing the reins over to Bear the last couple of years.  He got off to a rough start when one of his first Pot Games the teams had to made up three times because they kept leaving players off.  When he finally brought the cards over to tee to announce what the teams were all the Pot Gamers greeted him with rolling eyes and had their hats on crooked.  Somewhere he lost his nice straight little stinger driver shot and his putting touch.  Must have been from all those bales of hay he has been moving or the donkey shit he has been shoveling.

Fireman hosted two RW&B tournaments without any riots breaking out like last year.  His favorite tree on the 1st hole of North is healing up after years of abuse because he doesn't slice much anymore.  He waves to it as he passes by from the middle of the fairway.  His swing changes have had him shooting in the mid 70s which means he is raking in the cash from Jerry and Rama.

Mad Dog claims he isn't playing very much golf in his retirement because he is too busy hosting his grandchildren.  Except when you count how many days he plays.  Tuesday night league, always Wednesdays, most Fridays and both days of the weekend, plus he practices every night on 8 North while he waits for supper and after his cocktail hour.  He hired a architect to draw up plans for an addition to his house with the money he won off the Bear this summer.  He seems to be in a better mood this summer since he doesn't have to water the flowers any more.

Gretchen Headed Down The Road

Billy D claims he never cuts the ball anymore after he received a swing tip from Walt.  But if you play with him you may see a little left to right creep into his ball flight about the 14th hole when he gets tired.  I regret to announce that Gretchen and Billy D are no longer a couple.  It seems that she wanted more time for herself.  She used to be able to count on Billy D playing golf in all weather conditions so she could online shop or read.  But he started to refusing to go out of the house if there is even a remote chance of rain plus she said he became increasingly grouchy.   Her parting words to him were "you are nothing more than a big old Pussy Willow".

Birdie has been enjoying his new free lifestyle unburdened from home ownership.  He and his canoe can be spotted on the ponds and lakes around Harrisville and Hancock.  His form of relaxation is reeling in a few bass, knocking down a few adult beverages and filling up a plastic bag full of plump blueberries.  His game has shortened a bit and the ball flight is sinking but his putter still works well so he cashes when he gets the right Captain.  He and Rat may have to throw down before the summer is over in a revised version of "Battle of the Beave" . 

Birdie vs Rat

Molasses Boy bought more new clubs this summer with the hope of finding extra yards to be able to reach all the par 4s in regulation.   He used hours of Golf & Ski pro's time to fit him properly then proceeded to stiff him and ordered his clubs elsewhere.  We haven't seen a big change in his scores though same old 75 to 85 like most of the Pot Gamers.  He still claims he is not the slowest Pot Gamer anymore..but the jury is still out on that one.

Chimney has expanded his betting to include chipping for "mythical dollars" against Fireman and Bear.  He has schooled both of them with his unique closed club face wrist snap mini divot method..  The ball hugs the ground and dives into the hole with regularity inflicting pain on both his competitors.  His ram-a-jama putting technique is still going strong. 

Joey M is looking for an actual winning team this year in the Durling after appointing the twins Billy D and Birdie last year as Captains.  They ended up picking teams that were so even it ended in a tie.  Joey befriended a few more Pot Gamers over the summer (they must have bought him a few beers) so he now has 20 players in the Durling up from 16 last year.  Joey has been playing some solid golf this summer including giving NNN a run for his money in the Cities.

CFC is the only Pot Gamer who carries fewer irons than woods.  In fact he has so many head covers sticking out of his bag it looks like he has no irons at all.  He has missed a total of 6 fairways this summer which is a 100% increase from last summer.  I think it is because he is swinging 1 mph faster to try to find a few extra yards.  He is all the way up to 64 mph swing speed.  He will have his hands full this weekend when he goes head to head against his Daddy the great "Wedge Wizard" Rama.

Rama has the betting bug.  He has taken on a 4 beer House in a 3 hole gold game match after a recent Pot Game as well throwing down challenges to several A players.   But he now has his sights on taking down his son in the Durling.  Both their games are a bit erratic going in so it will come down to who rolls it the best.  CFC is plotting with DMac to break a few machines on Friday night so his Daddy will have to get up early Sat morning to fix them before he plays.

to be continued...

Opening Day and Other News

18 Pot Gamers showed up Saturday for Opening Day to play on the lumpy frozen south course.  What was suppose to be an 8am tee off became a painful waiting game of watching the white frost turn into globs of freezing cold dew.

Group #1 Bear, Tractorman and Hilow aka the "Secret Weapon" teed it up at almost 10am.  Group #2 Andy Mac, TJ and Rama followed right behind shivering all the way. Group #3 BB, Skrocki and  a one legged Billy D were out of front nine by the 4th hole.  Group #4 DMac, Dickie Mac and Jerry Maguire got off to a fast start only to derail on the 8th hole.  Group #5 Sandy, Chimney and CFC cruised along at a 1 over every hole pace. Bringing up the rear Group #6 lead by the retired Mad Dog, the retired Fireman and the part time school aide Birdie quietly (because no one could see them they were so far behind) slipped in with a cool +5 to take the front.

The back nine was a comeback for Group #1 and #3 as they tied with +3.  With most teams feeling the aches and pains that go with the first time out saw their scores soar on the back.  Which meant that Group #3 sneaked in by one shot over Group #1 for the overall.

Only two Pot Gamers could break 80..Mad Dog 78 and Sandy 79.

There were 5 skins worth $18 a piece.  Chimney, CFC, Dickie Mac, Bear and Sandy.

For those of you who keep tract of the Dollar-A-Hole matches of the Bear here they are:

YTD Mad Dog + $3
YTD Sandy +4
YTD Andy Mac -$1

The first casualty of the year was Billy D who managed to wreck his heel and could barely walk.  Mad Dog is pain free so far (because he won money).  Commish was a "no show" weather related.


Sunday only 16 players showed.  With no frost they were able to tee off on time at 8am.  Group #1 Captain Otis, BB, Fireman and CFC thought they were running away with the front after a -1 (three best balls) on the first hole, only to implode into double digits by the 9th hole.  Group #2 Captain Luke, Andy Mac, Chimney and Jerry Maguire knew they were toast by the 7th hole as they hit double digits.  Group #3 Captain Sandy, Bear, Skrocki and Rama looked good only on the card not on the course, they were all cashed in by the 6th hole.  Group #4 Captain Mad Dog, Molasses Boy, TJ and the Secret Weapon they thought they were playing two best balls as they cruised in with only +5.  Really need to start drug testing.

The back nine was only good for one team #2 who also shot +5.  Group #4 although they crashed and burned out back for +11 it was still good for overall (bastards).

Again only two Pot Gamers broke 80 and they happen to play on the same team (isn't that special) Mad Dog 79 and Molasses Boy 79

There were 4 skins Bear, Mad Dog, CFC and Otis worth $20 a piece.

D-A-H against Bear

Mad Dog $ +1  YTD $+4
Andy Mac $-2  YTD  $-3

Skoog was missing again either the contract that Joey M took out on him last year has finally been cashed in or his wife has him doing house work.  You guessed it Commish was missing again.  Billy D was icing his foot and drinking cold beers at home.  Bear's knee after walking for two days straight looks like a beach ball so he could be on IR.  Tractorman stayed away so he wouldn't have to play South two days in a row.  Otis needs to work on his handicap or else he will be a Captain all summer long.

Most Pot Gamers are shooting in the 80s with a few each day slipping into the 90s with the cold March weather.   North course opened this week we will be playing all 36 this weekend.

Happy Easter

Earliest Ever..

This Saturday will mark the earliest Pot Game ever March 12th..record was March 17th.  The Big House is licking their chops over all that dues money that will be flowing in a month early.

Billy D has been recruiting players to make opening day a success.  After skiing on ice and rocks all winter he has finally decided to concentrate on his golf game.  Although how much can he do when his little fade gives him the most consistent scores of any Pot Gamer already.  He even has his own par of 82.

Mad Dog with the mild winter played the 8th hole 231 times since closing.  He made 31double bogies, 85 bogies, 93 pars and 22 birdies.  No recorded hole-in-one.  He has lots of free time on his hands since he has retired from the grind of watering plants, washing carts and counting cash in the pro shop cash box.  So far he is pain free but the first ailment will show up when he shoots a round in the 80s and loses dollars to Bear

One Pot Gamer who won't be showing up is the one who's name rhymes with Fudge.  He has become the head pro at KCC.  He got the job after the beloved Charlie Kamal was ousted in a coup d'etat led by Fudge's friend on the BOD (rhymes with Leo).  Fudge did have to change his name to Kamal and be adopted by Dottie to keep the legacy in tact.

Fireman installed a chipping green in his garage this winter because he no longer has access to the one in the Firehouse.  He hopes to rack up thousands of mythical dollars this summer against the Bear.  Time will tell if his stroke grooved on fake plastic grass with hold up on the lumpy fringes of Bretwood.

Birdie hasn't had time to think about golf this winter, as he been "Feeling The Bern".  After being trained in the secret Bernie headquarters in Burlington VT, he has traveled with the campaign as a volunteer strategist.  He got the job after he explained that he had infiltrated a right wing group in Keene NH called the Pot Gamers and he had first hand knowledge as to how their minds work.

Commish & Yogi

Former Commish up to his knees in Donkey shit will only be making token appearances this summer as the number of abused animals at his farm has quadrupled in the last few years.  He does have a new baby in his family "Yogi" a golden lab pup.

Joey M has been spooked all winter long with the same bad dream.  His dream starts with the ghost of Deacon sitting on the edge of his bed.  The ghost then starts getting red and starts yelling at him for allowing the Durling Invitational to end in a tie.  But it really starts haunting him when it yells and wags its finger at Joey that he allowed a "Little Liberal" to be a captain.  That startles Joey out of bed every time in a cold sweat.  So he heads to the refrigerator, cracks a beer, hands it over  the ghost and promises to never to do again.

Tractorman will not be showing up for opening day because it will be played on the South course.  His blood pressure goes up 30 points every time he plays there.  He will wait until Sunday when he hopes "his" North course will open up.

CFC after he emptied all his envelopes of the Hole-In-One pool cash and gave it to his Mommy, she did give him back $100 to use for spending money.  But he wanted to save it so he placed it in his Tiger Woods piggy bank, which in his room sits next to his Tiger Woods clock and Tiger Woods fathead on his wall.

CFC Grabbing The Cash

Molasses Boy bought more new clubs this winter hoping for more distance so he can keep up with Billy D.  He even asked for private lessons from Mad Dog to learn "the flick".  We will see on Saturday if it has worked or not.

Jerry Maguire will be looking for a new libation on the deck this summer as he has dropped out of the "rainbow coalition" for good.  It won't be the Maple Bourbon he broke out last November during a round because his blood sugar was off the charts at his physical  and he gained 20 lbs in a few weeks.

If you miss these characters and all the other Pot Gamers head over to Bretwood this Saturday for a 8am tee off.  Remember call in to the Chuckster before 7:45 or you will be playing alone.

Merry Christmas 2023

A Visit From Little Prick/'Twas the Night Before the Pot Game
(reprinted from 2009 with updated names )

 

'Twas the night before the Pot Game, when all throughout Keene

Not a golfer was stirring, not even Billy D being mean;

The golf clubs were polished and ready to go,

In hopes that all the best players would show;

The Pot Gamers were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of birdies and skins danced in their heads;

And Suzy in her G-string, and I in my Yankees cap,

Had just settled down for a quickie and a nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what the f__k was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up on the sash.

The moon on the dew of the freshly mowed grass

Gave the appearance to me of Suzy’s firm little ass,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a dilapidated old golf cart, and eight drunken Pot Gamers dressed as reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be that Little Prick.

More rapid than turtles his coursers they came,

And he tried to whistle, then slurred, and called them by name;

"Now, Timmy! now, BB! now, Sars and Bear!

On, Fireman! on TJ! on, BK and Who the F__k cares!

To the top of the clubhouse! to the top of the wall!

Now stagger away! stagger away! stagger away all!"

Like Loy’s 20 dollars that before the wild winds fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the drunkards they flew,

With the cart full of Mic Lights, and the Little Prick too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The F__kin Bear’s birdie call of woof, woof.

As I stood there bollocky bare ass, and was turning around,

Down the chimney the Little Prick came with a bound.

He was dressed like a golfer from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of beers he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a Pot Gamer who had just bought a rack.

His eyes were all squinty! His hat was on crooked!

His cheeks were all stubbly, He looked pretty snookered!

His droll little mouth was drawn like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was dirtier than snow;

The stub of his cigarette hung from his lip,

And the ash curved down from the tip;

He had popcorn stuck to his face from the bar he just left,

He had so much of it on him, it could be called theft.

He was little and tiny, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know it was not long before he was ready for bed

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all my coolers; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his cart, and called out to his team,

God help me I just saw Sr naked, tell me it’s just a damn dream.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"I’m still The Commish, watch out for the cart eating ditch, I’m not having a good night."

Little Prick
Photo By Elf Enterprises