Take It To The Bank

The Gazette has looked into its crystal golf ball and have the following bold predictions for 2015

Birdie will sell his house, move into an apartment next to Billy D and gain 20 yards on his drives with new "Power Move ".

Ginger

Pudge will get a job outside of Keene but still stay in golf business.  Romance continues strong with Ginger..

Commish misses first month of Pot Games with a broken foot after a new orphaned donkey steps on him at the Donna Daryl Ranch .

Skooger attends Popcorn Anonymous to try to kick his two bowls of popcorn a day habit. 

TJ hires a hypnotist to cure his swing woes which results in his duck hooks coming back making him a happy boy.

Joey M creates his own secret hand shake as he takes over the Invitational with a very limited field of players.

Chuckster invents remote control app for golf carts so he can sit in Pro Shop and move fleet from storage to tarmac while he plays cribbage with Ellis.

Mad Dog retires in April, changes his mind in May, waters flowers for month of June,  plays with grandsons in July, loses cash to Bear in August, orders new clubs in Sept, retires in Oct.

CFC switches to playing right handed and out drives Jerry Maquire which makes Jerry stop drinking girly "Rita" drinks on the deck.

NNN goes the way of Tiger and gets the "Yips" which puts him in the running for an actual nickname "Yippy".

Tractorman after going to his time share down south in spring to practice, wins the first 5 Pots of the season and collects the Hole-In-One pool money for his shot on 13 North one hopping into the hole hitting a wedge.

Fireman bought a new truck with his hefty Assistant Chief salary.  It is black and gold stripes.  He thinks it looks like a Steelers uniform everybody else think it looks like a giant bubble bee.

BB gets schooled by "Little BB" all summer long,  so he then starting setting up matches against "little little BB".  Didn't seem to bother him when "little little" had to hand over his new golf balls to him.

Molasses Boy after bragging his speed of play had improved was given a challenge by Commish to prove it.  He set up a match between the semi retired Sr Pro and Molasses Boy.  Each could play at their own pace with the first finisher getting to deduct 1 stroke for every 5 minutes ahead.  Molasses Boy shot 78 to Sr Pro's 82 but Sr Pro finished 25 minutes ahead which gave him an adjusted score of 77 and the win.

Sandy wins the Club Championship again.  For two magical weekends all his putts roll in and towering drives hit the fairways.  Rest of the summer he loses Dollar A Hole matches to Bear.

House was denied again from playing the white tees which put him in deep depression which led him to shoot three consecutive rounds in the 90s which forced the Commish to ban him from the Pot game for the rest of the season.

Vinnie set record sales commissions for his company when Andy Mac his protege picked up 20 new accounts in Northern New England.  But neither one played much golf.

Blue Tees after continuing his weight loss and strength training decides to play from blue tees all season long.  His scores didn't change nor did the melt downs.

Billy D hit his head skiing. Although he looked the same he wasn't acting the same.  He started quoting all things Obama, siding with Birdie when political arguments broke out on the deck and gave up Bud Lights for wine.

Jay Esch adopts side saddle putting stroke wintering in Florida.  It serves him well as he takes home chunks of the Pot all summer long.

Chimney turns over his ladders and brushes to his son and concentrates on his first loves golf and gambling.  He plays in all the week day Pot Games and becomes Week Day Commish.

Dicky Mac laid enough carpet during off season to allow him to play the most golf of his career.  He worked his handicap low enough so he was a Captain most of the summer.  But he still didn't like his teams.

Otis read a book over the winter called "Length Is Over Rated".  He bought it because he thought it was about a different subject other than golf.  But he did put the theories in the book to good use winning lots of Pot money, although it did look weird to see him tee off on the par 5s with a 7 iron.

Skrocki used his fruit picking skills to land a winter job in Colorado hand pruning Marijuana plants.  He made enough money to buy himself new clubs and a few dozen almost new golf balls.

Brett started training his daughter to hit the ball hard the minute she could walk so whether it will be golf or softball she is assured of a full scholarship.

Dr Dave spent most of the winter in warm Florida working on his game.  But a visit to see The Villages ruined his season when he hurt his shoulder.  He tumbled out of a former absent minded Pot Gamer's golf cart when they ran over a gator. 

Dougie ran his fifth Annual Vt Road Trip Invitational.  He of course won as usual, although he claimed it had nothing to do with having Mad Dog, NNN and Mini on his team.

Rama hired a Labor Attorney to negotiate his new employment contract with the Big House.  By the permanent smile on his face and the fact he played in every Pot Game, I would say it was worth it.

He's Been Busy

Weeks ago a Pot Game legendary figure passed away after a long battle with the big "C".  He leaves a huge void especially in the social setting on the deck post round where he held court in his booming whisper voice while consuming a libation or three.  He went by Deacon.  When the Gazette tried to nickname him "Big Al", he sent a email to the editor saying his name was "Deacon"period....

This remembrance is long over due but trying to sum a such a complicated figure in a few paragraphs proved to be harder than we thought.  However a recent news event gave us inspiration to put words on paper (or Web page).  Tiger has chipping yips.  When we watched him on TV all we could think of was that somehow Deacon had convinced the "Man UpStairs" to bless Tiger with his chipping stroke.  The flubs, blades and chunks are all classic Deacon moves.  We are not sure how he did it but we are convinced he had a hand in Tiger (who he despised) getting the yips.

Deacon's lived a colorful life which gave him a endless supply of stories, all of which he was happy to share with Pot Gamers especially newbies.

Like the one about how he kicked a handcuffed suspect down a flight of stairs because he had spit at him and for several hours thought he had killed him.....

Like when he was a Bail Commissioner he sent a hippie to jail for the weekend because he didn't like the way he looked even though he had only J walked....

Like when he got mad when nobody signed up for his "Gold Game" tournament and he went down stairs and ripped up the sign up sheet swearing all the way....

Like when he borrowed some demo Titleist irons from Mad Dog and was still trying them out 12 years later....

Like when he cleared the deck of a young Mother and her children in less than 90 seconds when he boomed out a few F Bombs as he was settling in for a Mich Light....

Like when he would consume multiple Mich Lights then pop a half a packet of Listerine tabs into his mouth and head off to Saturday afternoon Mass to read some scripture....

Like when he would fret over who he should invite with the secret handshake to fill out the last couple of spots for his beloved Invitational....

And on and on he would go...

His answer to everything he liked was "That's Big".  Well Mr Al aka Deacon we all think you were "Big" and we will miss you.

Really Fresh News

Now that the editor is over his writers block or the trauma from having his golf game completely disappear, we can get you some news.

Last Sunday we had 21 Pot Gamers large and small tee it up for a little 2 BB with all birdies counting.  Team #1 Joey M, BB and Rama led the way with a respectable +4 on the front.  Team #2 Skrocki, Fireman and Blue Tees weren't so lucky and limped in with a +6 for the opening nine.  Team #3 Bear, Chimney and Donny R coasted to a even par score without breaking a sweat.  Team # 4 Pudge, Molasses Boy and CFC tied for the lead with even as well.  Team #5 DMac, Little BB and Dr Dave started out hot but stumbled to a +2.  Team #6 Sandy, Tractorman and Johnny Hilow blew up with a +6 which sealed their fate for the overall.  Team #7 Mad Dog, Billy D and Adrian (yes that Adrian) cruised to a even par score which made them tied for the front.

On the back Team #1 had a birdie blitz and blew away the field with -2 good enough for a third of the pot.  Team # 3 shot another even par to take the over all.

There were 5 skins worth $20 a piece (Blue Tees 2, Bear 1, Pudge 1 and Donny Roy 1).  Low scores of the day were Pudge 71, Mad Dog 72, Bear 73, DMac 73,  and BB 74.

The auto dog matches were as follows:
Mad Dog plucking $1 from Bear making the YTD Mad Dog up $76.  (yes that is the correct number)

Pudge despite shooting 71 could not get into Bear's pocket so YTD Pudge up $54.

Sandy struggled so Bear was able to collect $11 making the YTD Bear up $21.

Below is the latest accounting of the Hole-In-One Pool.  If you want to pay for previous pools you can, so you will be eligible for the big prize worth $1,310.

Summer Highlights

A lot of rounds have been played in the last two months since the last blog post.  Here are some of the highlights to get you up to speed.

Cheez finally joined Bretwood as a member after Mrs Cheez released him from servitude after he completed her "honey do list" of items to prepare his house for sale.  But missed several Pot Games because he was too exhausted get up in the morning.

Mad Dog in semi retirement (not sure you can call it retirement when you work less than 20 hrs a week) finds lots of time to practice while he isn't watering his plants.  His finely tuned "flick at the bottom" swing produced scores that Bear could not match.  So their dollar a hole match has become rather one sided to the point that Mad Dog was able to invest in several shares of blue chip stocks. Bear's only hope is for Mad Dog's annual late swoon when he pulls out his playbook of ailments to excuse his bad play.

Billy D has become so consistent with his scoring (82 every round) using his cut swing that Pot Gamers don't refer to par anymore they talk about their score over/under Billy's Ds.  He and Green Mountain Gretchen are still an item although he has yet to bring her out to the deck.

Tractorman has been up to his old tricks of setting pins on the north course in diabolical places that repel every putt attempt.  Some things never change as he still hates to play the south course.

We have a new addition to the Pot Game.  Jack Nadeau otherwise known as "Little BB".   He has a great swing refined under the watchful eye of Pudge.  While BB has been struggling to break 80 Little BB has been playing him for new ProVs.  Let's just say Little BB won't have to buy any balls this fall when he tries out for the coach Joey M's High School Golf team.

Donny Roy made a hole-in-one a few weeks ago which lead to rumors on the deck whether or not he was in the pool.  It turns out he never paid for any of the 4 pools still open, so over $1300 is still available to some lucky paid up Pot Gamer.

House cries every week that he wants to go to the white tees now that he turned 70.  His pleas fall on deaf ears the minute he yank hooks his tee ball 275 yards off the first tee.  Playing the whites won't help his wedges and "prayer" stroke only practice will.

Jay Esch came back from Florida with a handicap so inflated that even Otis wouldn't have dared to use it.  Mad Dog immediately found a way for him to always end up on his team as a D man.  His handicap has since plummeted but not before filling his pockets with wads of Pot money.

When Deacon is not doing face plants out of his bed or dispatching poor Barbara to DD's for his coffee at 4:30am, he is quietly making plans to hold his annual Invitational with the help of Joey M.  But between Deacon's purged Pot Gamers list and Joey M's narrow pool of people he can stand, it will be tough to fill a full field.

Birdie doesn't seem himself lately.  He has been wearing collared shirts and has been showing up at the first tee 3 minutes early instead of 5 minutes late.  He was one of the first Pot Gamers to get to play with Little BB and wasted no time in initiating him into the Pot Game way when he filled the air with dozens of f-bombs when his stinger driver went awry.

Fireman has limited playing time now that he is #2 at KFD.  He has been sharping up his short game by schooling Bear on the chipping green before each round.  His drives are straightening out and his scores are headed in the downward direction.  While on call if there is a second alarm he is mandated to head to the station, but surprisingly since the spring and warm weather there hasn't been a second alarm fire on a Wednesday, Saturday or Sunday.

Pudge got a taste of what it means to work in Corporate America, when his former employer which rhymes with Pricks, decided the initials next to his name PGA made him expendable.  The most disappointed person was Billy D because he didn't get to return his newest driver for credit.  Ginger has decided to help out her boyfriend by recruiting duffers for lessons.  Pudge lesson $100 for half hour, Pudge lesson with Ginger autographed bikini poster $200.

To say that Chimney can curve a golf ball would be understatement.  To fit his drives on to some fairways he has to start his ball well over the river which is why his golf balls have begun asking for life jackets before they are launched.  His rama and jama style putting is still going strong as the dents in the back of the cups can attest.

Chris From The Crotch has been a popular addition to the Pot Game with his dry sense of humor and robot like straight drives.  He was recruited by Jerry Maguire.  He also shares the same heritage as Rama Yama, although he hasn't let loose with "Macaroni & Cheese" when he hits a bad shot like Rama does.

Dr Dave's fairway woods are second to none towering with lots of carry, but his putting is holding him back from the winning ways of last summer.  Looks like the Pot Game law of averages has taken its toll on another victim.

Ran Out Of Gas

Last Monday was the 2014 Battle of the Beav which annually pits the Commish against Birdie for bragging rights and a brand new "Beav" hat for the winner.  For the third year in a row Birdie prevailed.  The Commish out of practice and a committed farmer jumped out to an early lead of three strokes but he ran out of gas on the back under the par barrage by Birdie with a couple 2s thrown in for good measure.

Official Score Card

Billy D got caught up watching the match and forgot to make a few birdies himself as he sliced his way to a 87 instead of his usual 82.  Rumor has it Commish is taking up horseshoes instead of golf.  All pics compliments of Pudge Productions.

Commish Congratulates Birdie

Winner's Choice Of Hat