Miscommunication

Gretchen Awaiting Billy Ds "Rocket Balls"

Sometimes it is best not to mention golf terminology to non golfers.  Billy D excited after his purchase of the new TaylorMade RocketBallz three wood at Dicks Sporting Goods, sent a text to his girlfriend Gretchen that he had "Rocket Balls".  Not being familiar with that term, Gretchen let her mind wander and quickly prepared for Billy's return home.  Billy D with a smile still on his face retelling the story the next day at The Pot Game said he didn't have the heart to tell her what he really meant.

Dodging Snowflakes

10 Pot Gamers defied the forecasts of snow and played 3-2-1 on the South course today. There were two teams of five. The team of Birdie, Chimney, 40, Fireman and Bear went -2 front +2 back even total to win two sides. However Skrocki, Deacon, Billy D, Joe D and Tractorman after slow start on front +3 roared back with a -1 on back. Chimney shot an impressive 76 with 3 birdies leading his team. There were 7 skins Fireman 1, Skrocki 2, Chimney 2, Tractorman 2. The temperature was 37 degrees at tee off so no one scanned the parking lot looking for Commish.

It's Alive

We just received word that The Invitational is alive for 2012.  Since it lost its date to Randy & Friends and all its former players, The Director had to resort to extraordinary measures.  Here are the details we have so far.  Instead of a Pick'em night with barbecue and keg, there will be vouchers for two items off the Dollar menu at McDonalds and a random drawing using slips of paper in a fishbowl.  The roster will be made up of "Banished" Pot Gamers.  Augie Doggie, The Vultch, Adrian, Trooper and Huslander have all accepted so far.  The date hasn't been announced yet but a source inside the Pro Shop said the only weekend left was mid November.  Stay tuned for more info as we get it.

Hard At Work

View From Jay's Lanai On To 2nd Tee

Jay Esh wanted everyone to know he is thinking of us as he is slaving away in his home office in Bonita Springs, FL.  It was a cool 65 degrees this morning with an expected high of 86. 

Those Were The Days

Remember When: You could get a beer at Commish's house off the 16th tee, Everyone had a Porky story to share, The Penguin waddled in as a regular,  There was a Roy Boy Open, Sr Pro would roll in putts with his hand coming off the putter,  Bear didn't have "The Perfect Club", Brad-Brian actually played golf,  Chuckster use to pass his year old Driver on to Commish, Birdie's elbows flew apart on his follow through like he was playing the accordion, Tractorman was good for a least one Chinese shot per round, Deacon ripped the Gold Game signup sheet off the Bulletin Board,  Pudge was a fixture behind the counter in the Pro Shop, Blue Tees use to tee off from blue tees, Billy D's driver was black, Skrocki's putter didn't have rust on it, Sully sold log cabins instead of body parts, Murt played softball midweek and golf on the weekends,  Rama had a big backswing,  Mini had only one father, Fireman was allowed to drive a Fire Truck, 40 dressed in blue pedaled his way around Central Square and Mad Dog barked at the members on a regular basis.

Dig It Out

Cheez's Practice Range At The Villages

The Cheez trying to improve his swing (bad case of duck hooks) attempted follow Hogan's advice "dig it out of the dirt" except at The Villages all they have are floater balls and synthetic mats.

Nor Rain Nor Snow...

The mid week Pot Game prevailed when 4 brave (crazy) Pot Gamers endured all four seasons of weather during the first 10 holes. They started off in cool cloudy spring like weather, which morphed into winter like conditions with hail, snow and sleet by holes 8&9. After seeking shelter from the storm in the Ladies room by the 10th tee for 5 minutes, they emerged into bright blue sunny sky's of summer with jackets coming off to play in shirt sleeves. Then as they entered into "the park", blustery fall conditions swooped in bringing wind and hail. Despite all that they had a great time playing Wolf with one big winner, one small winner, one small loser and one very big loser. A short trip over to a local watering hole for a few liquid refreshments and a bite to eat finished off a great day. Highlight at the watering hole besides the food was when one of the aforementioned Pot Gamers still in shock from his big financial loss used the Ladies room thinking it was the Men's room.

Maytag Repairman

Skrocki felt like the loneliest man alive when he showed up last Sunday to play the Pot Game and nobody else came out to play in the cold rain.  He enjoyed a leisurely breakfast and left for home.

Next Saturday we will again tee off a 8am and will play 3 Best Balls on Par 5s, 2 Best Balls on Par 4s and 1 Best Ball on Par 3s.  Be early so we can pick up teams and tee off on time.  

Commish

It needs to be 48 degrees or warmer for Commish to show up.  Right now it is 50/50 whether he shows or not based on the long range forecast.

That's How He Did It

Sally Captured By Spy Cam At Bay Hill

The Gazette sent an under cover reporter to Bay Hill in Orlando FL to figure out how the Cheez was able to wrangle VIP box seats on the 17th hole during Arnie's Tournament this past weekend.  As you will see in this photo taken by our reporter with a special button camera, Cheez got access by making his lovely wife Sally dress up in a blue tee shirt sponsored by Parady Financial Group.  We happen to know all the Cheez's millions are not with Parady but locked up in Walgreen's stock, so he must of made a promise to Parady to get tickets but he has no intention of keeping now that the tournament is over.

Marketing Genius

Tractorman is making "Randy & Friends" the tournament to be invited to play in for 2012.  The Gazette has learned that he has already secured a sponsor in "Dick's Sporting Goods" who is donating prizes for closest to the pin on all par 3s throughout the weekend plus a new custom fit TaylorMade R11s Driver for every member of the winning team.  Wow...  Fireman will be hosting the "Pick'em Party" and will be serving 2" thick Porterhouse steaks donated by "Paul's Choice" with a table full of side dishes donated by "Luca's". Unbelievable...  Mad Dog has agreed to close the course for the weekend to assure all the participants enjoy a relaxed pace of play and has made a very generous donation of free golf carts for everyone.  Really... All the signage, electronic scoring and special website were donated by "SteelPen Productions".  That's Is Sweet... An unconfirmed rumor is that The Golf Channel is sending Kelly Tilghman to cover the event.  No Way...

If you haven't yet received your invitation it is too late, but you may be on a waiting list.  Don't be fooled by someone with Don King hair trying to give you a secret handshake and trying to tell you are now in the Tournament.  He is not Tractorman, he is an imposter who use to run a similar (but much smaller scale) tournament a few years ago.

The Gazette will be there with wall to wall coverage of every shot, shank, hook, slice, skull, chip, chunk...well you get the idea.

Bits & Pieces From Today

Joey M came off IR temporarily to make his first Pot Game of the year and Pudge made his 2012 weekend debut as well.  Biggest turnaround goes to Otis with a 45 front 35 back (his captain Tractorman reminded him the handicap computer was still turned off until April 1st on 10th tee).  Skrocki made 6 double bogeys in a row starting on the 9th but still managed to win and get two skins.  NoNickName finally earned a nickname when Pudge crowned him "Triple N".  Chimney is armed with brand new TaylorMade irons and a new white headed driver that he is pounding straight down the middle.  Birdie instituted a new release move and is spanking it at least twenty yards longer off the tee.  Commish decided to build a neighbor's fence in the cool weather rather than watch his fingers turn white hitting golf balls. Rama is back for good after a 5 years in self imposed exile, so "Sons of Beetches" is once again echoing across the fairways of Bretwood. Jay Esh went to the whip on his team on the back nine and they responded with an excellent +1 score but finished one shot out of the money.  Dougie has made both weekends so far and it isn't even summertime, great to see him back full time.  As Pot Gamers headed home lots of empty racks dotted the tables on the deck, a sure sign the Pot Game is back and fun once again.

More Than Ever

The Pot Game is as healthy as it has been in a long time with 18 players teeing it up today.  There were six teams doing battle in best two ball format.  Skrocki's team with +2 +4 took 2/3 of the Pot with Tractorman's team shooting even on the back for 1/3.  There were 8 skins with NoNickName getting 4, Skrocki 2, Pete 1 and Joey M 1.

Asked To Leave

The Cheez received an invite to Arnie's Tournament in Orlando to watch from the VIP stands on the 17th hole.  Of course the ticket was free so he went.  The only problem was he had shot 85 the day before at The Villages and was still repeating the story over and over about how he missed so many putts and his drives were hooking on him, to the point where he was asked to leave the VIP lounge because people were complaining they couldn't enjoy watching golf.  His friend that invited him was one of the "Sticks", a group of retired Pros and low handicappers that invite Cheez from time to time to play with them.  I guess Cheez will be looking for a new group to play with now.

POTUS?

Pic from Birdie's Phone

The Gazette just learned that President Obama or someone who looks just like him paid a visit to Bretwood the week before it opened when he did a quick visit to NH.  A certain strong Democrat supporter and loyal Pot Gamer had written The President several times inviting him to play a round when he was next in NH.  When two Secret Service agents paid the mystery Pot Gamer a visit at school where he works and told him to be ready to play in an hour, he knew his prayers had been answered.  The problem was he couldn't invite any other Pot Gamers to play with him because they were all on a Secret Service "watch list" of ultra conservative zealots.  So he and the President played in a quick 2 hours.  No scores were recorded.

Cleared For Play

Upper Management instituted a new rule for Pro Shop personal.  Before they are eligible to play the course they need to collect and process at least fifty membership payments.  Chuckster earned his playing privileges the first weekend.  Mad Dog not so much..  The Big House is still waiting for his receipts showing he processed the minimum number of memberships.  The word is he is only around forty short, so don't ask him this weekend if is playing or not, he is a bit sensitive about it.

Who Needs Cheez!

The 2012 Mid Week Pot Games got off to a strong start today with 12 players enjoying the warm March temperatures. Under former Mid Week Commissioner Cheez they never enjoyed this big a turnout. They played the North course which officially opened today. The team of Commish, Joe D, Birdie and Bear won 2/3 of the pot with a +3 +9 three best balls vs the team of NoNickName, Billy D, Fireman and Blue Tees who went +7 +7. The team of Skrocki, Skoog, Deacon and Joey G were off their game with +10 +20.

Hole-In-One Pool

 

The Hole-In-One Pool is voluntary.  The chart shows who has paid for both 2011 & 2012.  If a player has paid for both years he will be paid the entire pool.  If you only paid in 2012 then you will get only this years amount.   You may buy in for both years if you want.  Pay Bear.

All Points Bulletin

MIA SrPro

Commish has issued a status report on the whereabouts of certain players after the first weekend of play.

MIA: Brian-Brad, Scotty-Steve, Pudge, Penguin, SrPro, Hagen, Loy, NoNickname and all Roy Boys
IR: Murt, Joey M, Bruce K
Snow Birds: Cheez, Lenny, Billy M, Hilow

MIA Scotty-Steve

Record Performance

Today's projected warm sunny skies brought out 16 Pot Gamers to do battle. Making their first appearances for 2012 were Deacon, Joey G, Chimney, Jay Esh, Jedi, Otis, Blue Tees, Pete and The Commish. A new record for three best balls was established on the first nine of South. Plus 25 was achieved by the team of Commish, Fireman, Birdie and Bear. If they were playing quota that would be outstanding but they weren't. Their overall score of plus 37 was only twenty off the winning score by Skrocki's team who won 2/3 of Pot, with Otis's team grabbing the other 1/3. There were 7 skins, two for eagles on number 8 and number 10.

What Might Have Been

Trump Leaving Keene Airport

Word leaked out this week that just prior to Donald Trump purchasing the Doral Resort in Florida, he was making inquiries to Bretwood management about acquiring Bretwood's 36 holes.  According to a source close to the negotiations, it broke down when BGC management said it wanted to insert a clause into the agreement that they would be the exclusive suppliers for the next 10 years of the bunker sand from their pit.  Who wouldn't want that...The Donald I guess

Feeling Better Already

Green Mtn Gretchen Dressed as Leprechaun (Pic from Billy D's iPhone)

Billy D's back gave out on the back nine today.  He barely made it into the clubhouse for a much needed Bud Light.  The Gazette just received an email from him saying he feeling was much better.  A certain Leprechaun met him at the door with his favorite beverage and a smile (but not much else).

St. Patricks Day Kickoff

12 Hardy Leprechauns showed up for the first Pot Game of 2012.  Based on the tee shots off the first tee not many went south for the winter to practice their games.  The team of Billy D, Skooger, Birdie and Bear managed to hold off the other teams to win all ways in the three best ball match.  There were 5 skins paid out.  The hole-in-one pool was almost wiped out when Rama hit his tee shot on 7 to with a few inches.  Ex-Commish Bear handed out the first X of the year to Commish because the little Leprechaun didn't even show up for the opening tournament.  Tee time for Sunday is 8am.  Hope to see everyone there...

Night Nurse

Deacon has been busy helping his partner Barbara recover from recent surgery.  We asked him a few questions recently about how she is doing.

Gazette: "So have you been fixing all the meals and cleaning the house to help out"? 
Deacon: "Well I started out doing that but I guess my standards weren't as high as they should be so Barbara took over".
Gazette: "We hope you aren't still making her go for your coffee and donuts in the morning"?
Deacon: "No of course not at least not every day.  I usually do it on the weekends, well actually only Sunday, but she doesn't seem to mind.  She moves slower so I can't expect my coffee to be quite as hot as usual but it is ok".
Gazette: "So what is it exactly that you are doing for her"?
Deacon: "I let her stay home on bowling nights, so she doesn't have to fetch beers for me".

Some people never change....

Divorced

It seems the Twilight team of Leslie & Leslie has ended up in divorce court.  Due to irreconcilable differences, they have split for good or at least until next year.  Rumor has it 40 is playing with Mini Matt and Fireman and Pudge may hook up. 

Mad Dog's Doing What?

According our reliable source deep inside the Pro Shop, Mad Dog is headed to semi-retirement.  It seems this winter he came to the conclusion the golf seasons are getting longer and he isn't getting any younger.  So this summer he plans to work less and play more.  Laura gave him a gift certificate to the Keene's Swedish Massage For Senior Citizens this past Christmas and it seems to have done wonders for his back.  He plans to play full time on the NHPGA Pro Am circuit.  One of the Pro Shop workers when told of the news of Mad Dog's retirement said "I thought he already did that 10 years ago".

Walking Wounded

The pool of eligible Pot Gamers is dwindling with reports of three regulars going down with injuries which will keep them out for months. Murt has been suffering all winter and is headed for a hip replacement. Joey M has decided his knee is worn out and Bruce K is headed for shoulder repair.

First Pot Game Of 2012

Commish

This Saturday at 8am will be the first Pot Game of the year.  Commish is back in charge after taking 2011 off.  He has decreed that the Hole-In-One Pool will begin with the first Pot Game on a volunteer basis.  There will be no Net tournaments of any kind.

He also has a new "Ratmobile" which is fully equipped with anti slow play enforcing equipment.