Saturday, June 29, 2013

Over The Border

Even though the Gazette is shut down for a few weeks, when news breaks we are on it.

The Little Bow Pete Archery shop is under investigation by both the Tobacco and Firearms unit and Drug Enforcement Agency. It seems Bow Pete has been shipping bows and arrows to a radical tribe of pigmies in Botswana. The type of arrows that can be fitted with poison tips. Drug Enforcement wants him for distribution of Deer Antler spray, not the wimpy kind VIjay Singh was taking but the kick ass kind which would take a low 80 shooter and make him into a low 70s shooter. It seems that several members of the Pot Game turned him in to authorities after he was beating them with his low scores and collecting all the Pot money. We interviewed one of the secret informants. "Everybody can get lucky once in a while but this has gone too far when I take him to a Pro Am and he out drives me and shots a lower score than me. I am the Pro that is not suppose to happen. I had to do the right thing. Plus Birdie told me he voted for Obama so he deserves what ever is coming to him."

Run to Gino's as fast as you can because it is being replaced by Duncan Donuts later this summer. Can you picture Sr Pro sitting at the counter sipping on a latte instead of his 6th Coors Light. What is this world coming to...

That's all for now.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

The Inside Scoop

The new TaylorMade R1 Black driver has made its way into the bags of Fireman and Billy D. The bottom of the club looking like a compass was glued onto it.  Both players have it toed in (closed) at least 2 degrees to ensure as Billy D likes to say "I will never cut this driver".  Reports are both are still cutting it a little bit.

Cheez has convinced all the Mid-Week Pot Gamers to stay on Villagers time which means they don't tee off until sometime after 8am.  It will stay that way according to the "Want To Be Commissioner" Cheez until July 1st , when they will arise early to tee off at 7:45am.

Gazette will be on a news Black-Out until July 15th.  Editor will be away for the next three weeks.  Any cub reporters who would like to send in some news we will try to get it online.

Loy continues to show up for Pot Games hoping to match cards with Commish but every week is disappointed.  Loy does keep busy though having to fend off House from stealing his cigarettes on the deck.

When Pudge is one of the youngest players in the Pot Game you know the group is not doing enough recruiting of fresh young talent.  The youngters probably haven't been asked to play in the group, but even if they had unless their politics are right of Attila the Hun, have thick skins to protect them from the verbal barbs and f bombs and can tune out constant complaining about format, unfair teams, playing the ball down, etc., they probably would not fit in.  So we are faced with the graying of the Pot Game stocked with players who can't remember names, can't see where their ball went, don't know what their yardage is because they forget to charge their SkyCaddie's the night before and can't remember which way their putt breaks even though they had the same putt yesterday.

Monday is the annual NHPGA Pro Am Senior played at Pheasant Ridge.  Pudge is bringing Commish, Billy D and Fireman to do battle against Mad Dog, Triple N, Bow Pete and Cheez.  The winners usually go to eat at Longhorn and the losers stop at the McDonalds drive thru.  Who do think will take the title this year?

Friday June 21st will be the first official day of summer, which means after that the days get shorter and winter and snow are just around the corner...  

Father's Day Surprise

The same number of Pot Gamers turned out on Father's Day as they did the day before twenty one, which made the numbers of teams easy for Mad Dog to figure out.  However the players were quite different than the day before with first timer Dicky Mac being dragged out by his son Andy, Vinnie debuting in 2013 and Birdie bringing a guest Dan K.

The seven teams were as follows:

Team #1 Bear, Bill Mag, and Billy D; Team #2 Luke, Fireman and Coach Roy (one of the original Bushman); Team #3 Tractorman, Bow Pete and Loy: Team # 4 Cheez (captain again), Andy Mac and House; Team #5 Otis, Vinnie and Deacon; Team #6 Skrocki, Birdie and Dan K; and finally #7 Sandy, Dicky Mac and Chimney.

Even though weather conditions were ideal the scores were high for 2BB.  On the front Luke's team #2 shot even par and lead by one over Tractorman's team #3 going into the back nine.  Sandy's team # 7 and Skrocki's team #6 tied with +1 on the back.  But Tractorman's team #3 hung around in second place on both nines to be able to take the total at +3.  So the teams proved to be evenly matched.

The surprise was in the individual scores which were higher than expected with only 5 players breaking 80.  Low scores were Bow Pete (the same guy who does handicap adjusting when he plays on Bear's team) 75, Bear 78, Dicky Mac 78, Sandy 79 and Birdie 79.

There were three skins worth $35 a piece (Birdie 1, Chimney 1 and Billy D 1).

Mad Dog was giving golf cart rides to his Grandson so was unavailable to lose money to the Bear.  However the next day at the Keene CC Pro Am, Mad Dog did lose $2 to Bear to make the YTD, Mad Dog plus $5.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Happy Father's Day

If your Father is still alive be sure to give him a call or a hug and for those of us who have lost our Fathers it is a time to remember and reflect on all the good times in the past.

In honor of Father's Day the over/under will return tomorrow for the first time in 2013.  The opening line on the Deacon is 87 and Cheez is 82.

Father's Day is your opportunity to play golf, drink a few beers on the deck and go home and watch the US Open on tv.  Of course that is what most Pot Gamers due every weekend. 

Eagles Have Landed

On Father's Day eve eagles were flying in from everywhere on the South course. Twenty one players split into seven teams of three to play 2 BB under a foggy start.

Teams were as follows:

Team # 1 Pudge, Jay Smith, Bill Mag; Team #2 DMac, Forty, Billy D; Team #3 Mad Dog, Brett, Birdie; Team #4 Bear, Joey M, Dr. Dave; Team # 5 Luke, Jay Esh, Blue Tees; Team #6 Cheez, Tractorman, Deacon; Team #7 Skrocki, Dougie, Skooger.

Bear's team on the strength of 4 birdies and an eagle roared out to a sizable lead with -6 on the front. The scores for all three players were between 32 and 38. Both DMac and Luke went to the whip on the back nine to lead their teams to under par scores of -2 and -3. So Bear's team won 2/3 of the Pot and Luke's team on 1/3.

Low scores of the day were Bear 72, Jay Esh 72, Mad Dog 73, DMac 74 and Joey M 74. A total of 10 players broke 80. Four players made eagles (one on 2nd hole, three on the 10th).

There were four skins worth $25 a piece. ( Bear 2, Skrocki 1, Tractorman 1)

Bear got $3 from Mad Dog so the YTD Mad Dog $7 up.

DMac was out of the money for the first time all year, but Dr Dave kept his streak alive of showing up and have pieces of the Pot handed to him. He has yet to experience the $20 beer.

Jay Smith returned to the Pot Game after years away but never missed a beat with his quick wit on the deck.

Cheez somehow was a Captain again much to his displeasure but Tractorman did the card for him so he could concentrate on his game. But when he barely beat out his C player with a score of 85 that strategy won't be repeated.

Joey M cruised to a rocking chair 74 with solid ball striking and timely putting. Jay Esh after tuning his game up on the golds for the last couple weeks shot an easy 72 to help his team grab a piece of the pot.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Almost Made It

Thursday's weather called for late morning showers but with a start time of 7:30am it looked likely that the Pot Gamers would just make it before getting wet.  They didn't make it past the 12th before the skies opened up soaking all participants.  With 10 players, Chuckster created two powerhouse teams to battle it out. 

Team #1 Captained by Triple N included Skrocki, Dr Dave, Walt and Bow Pete jumped out to a early lead with an amazing +5 in the best 4 BB format on the front.  But Team #2 Captained by Mad Dog with Bear, Cheez Billy D and Fireman were nipping at their heals with their own great front of +6.  Lead by the strong play of Billy D on the back nine Team #2 shot a record +1 which was more than enough to win back and total when Team #1 shot +11.

Despite initial moaning and groaning by Mad Dog and Cheez about the 4 BB format leading to slow play, everyone got around in just over four hours even while getting wet.

Low scores were Triple N 75, Skrocki 75, Mad Dog 76, Bear 77, Billy D 78 and Cheez 78.  Mad Dog got $1 from Bear to make YTD $10 Mad Dog.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Pot Of Gold

If the Gazette was correct in their prediction Rama is about to get quite a windfall when he makes his hole-in-one on the North's 3rd hole.  If you paid into all three pools that are still alive you can win $860 to buy drinks for all Pot Gamers.



Monday, June 10, 2013

Against All Odds

Saturday
With rain expected past the scheduled tee time of 7am only eight Pot Gamers showed up to play.  They were rewarded with clouds turning into bright blue skies and not a raindrop.  Mad Dog playing the "grandson duties" excuse ducked out of playing but did stick around long enough to create two teams, but not necessarily  balanced teams.

Team #1 Bear, Cheez, Billy D and Skooger had to face Team #2 Sandy, TJ, Birdie and Chimney (Dream Team).   Skooger fresh off his 95 (8 double bogey performance on Thursday) managed to shot a fine 39 on the front nine South along with Cheez's 37 to lead their team to +4  (3 BB) which was good enough to win the front.  Sandy's team with a +9 front roared back with a +4 back to defeat Bear's team who imploded to +12.  Skooger shot a team leading 77 responding to Cheez's compliments all the way around the course.  What were the odds of that happening? Who knew by being nice to him he would respond with his best score.

Low scores Sandy 76, Skooger 77 and TJ 79.  There were 3 skins worth $13 a piece (Sandy 2, Cheez 1).

Sunday
With the monsoon season over twenty Pot Gamers showed including Coach of Maine and new guy Mike M.  Commish who had Swamp Bat duties and nurse mate duties to a sick horse was a no show again.

Mad Dog whipped out his calculator to figure out how many teams to create.  Team # 1 Captained by Cheez (really), Tractorman, Chimney and Fireman teed off first on the North Course.  Cheez was not a happy camper about being selected a Captain and voiced his displeasure to anyone who would listen.  The other teams inorder were as follows: Team #2 Skrocki, Joey M, Billy D and Rama; Team #3 Triple N, Mike M, Brett, Coach; Team #4 Bear, TJ, Bill M and Blue Tees; Team #5 Mad Dog, Bow Pete, Dr Dave and Deacon.

Bear's team ding-donging their way around the front nine of north shot an improbable +1 (3 BB) which gave them a 6 shot lead over the next team.  Triple N and Mad Dog went to the whip on the back nine to drive their teams to +4 scores, which was gave them a split of the one side of the Pot.
Bear's team despite slipping to +7 on the back had enough of a lead to hang on to total.

Low scores of the day were Triple N 72, Skrocki 74, Mad Dog 74, Bow Pete 76 and TJ 76. Seven players broke 80.  There were seven skins worth $14 a piece (Skrocki 3 (eagle on 18 with nine iron), Mad Dog 1, Fireman 1, Triple N 1, Mike M 1).  All the skins were on the back nine.

Mad Dog clipped Bear for $3 making YTD Mad Dog up $9 .

Notes:
Cheez complained so much about being Captain that Chimney felt sorry for him and kept the card and posted the scores after which earned Cheez an X for shirking his duties.  Plus he never put back a pin all day.

Deacon came back after a week off to rest and didn't shot his best score but did find a way to win a piece of the Pot again.  If he could only put his magical winning Pot Game powers to use in the Invitational, he could finally be on a victorious team.

Rama was lost without his personal ATM House around to make his usual withdrawal.

Billy D has proven he is the most consistent golfer in the Pot Game as his scores never vary week to week.  He will shoot 82 to 85, bank on it.

Joey M saw his life flash before him on the 6th hole when TJ snapped hooked his tee shot on 5 and hit Joey's cart windshield square.  It did earn him a free beer on the deck for his troubles.

Bill Maquire shot his best round in a Pot Game 79 by rolling in all his five footers which helped propel his team to victory.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Birdie Fest

Thursday seven Pot Gamers showed up (well six and a sleepy eyed Cheez showed up late) to play before the first tropical storm of the year hit.

Because there was an odd number, quota was announced as the game.  Mad Dog with a lower handicap than the Bear got 4 players (go figure).  Mad Dog had Cheez, Bow Pete and Dr Dave to Bear's Billy D and Walt.  Bear's team got off to a fast start and shot a solid +6.5 on the front knowing they had probably secured the front nine.  They played the back without knowing what Mad Dog's team had done because they were at least three holes behind.  Bear's team slipped on the back to -3 but finished with a respectable +3.5.  However Mad Dog inspired by the mention in the latest Gazette "Believe It Or Not" that he had found his game and would shot in the high 60s or low 70s shot a 69 with five birdies!  Followed by Bow Pete with four birdies and a score of 75.  Just for good measure Dr Dave had two birdies and Cheez had one. That was enough to propel them to a +7 on the front and an incredible +8 on the back.  If anyone was wondering if there were still a few sandbaggers around,  I think that has been answered. 

Bear despite having four birdies of his own and shooting 78 lost $8 to Mad Dog making the YTD Mad Dog up $6.

Mid Week Pot Games starting next week will be at 7:30am instead of 8am.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Believe It Or Not

Danny Roy "Mixologist" says he is going to play every weekend this summer.  Then he shows up for his first Pot Game on June 1st. His phone rang only seconds after completing his round directing him to get home before he could sit down to enjoy a cold beer on the deck.

Deacon will shoot under 77 in at least one Pot Game this summer. His average score will be 85 but for one magical moment with Joe Mills as his Captain all his putts will drop, his chips will have air under them and his drives will tower high and straight.

Commish will retire from the "Battles With Birdie" as he can't take losing and will set his sights on his new opponent Loy.  Winner will get a carton of cigarettes.

Rama will win the Hole-In-One pool on the 3rd hole North using his new hybrid which he hasn't bought yet.

Mad Dog decides to only use 1.5 rails on his driver because he hits it dead straight and who needs distance anyway.  Starts shooting low 70s high 60s and declares himself back.

Cheez realizes he has no purpose when he plays so reinstates his "auto dog" matches with Bear.   Bear takes his winnings in Walgreen stock, which nets him a tidy profit.

Pudge trademarks tournament names that are named after colors, Red, White & Blue and Gold Game and offers to allow the Pot Game use of them for a percentage of the Pot.  He also trademarked the name "The Invitational".
Meet Holly Apartment 12 B in Billy D's complex

Billy D says he has a bad back and has to rest by his apartment's pool to rehab. 

Fireman moves the weight in his driver to the toe instead of the heal and starts hitting draws.  He has never seen the left side of any fairway and doesn't know how to play into the greens from there.  His scores soar.

Dougie only plays on windy days.  Doesn't want to wreck his scoring average over the rest of the field.

Monday, June 3, 2013

It's Battle Time

Birdie & Commish all smiles on 1st tee
The first Monday in June usually calls for the NHPGA's Pro Am to be at Beaver Meadow, which means its "Battle at the Beav" time.  For long time Gazette readers you know that means Birdie and Commish will tee it up for the pride of Beav Championship and the infamous hat that the loser buys the winner.  Billy D and Pudge always fill out the foursome to report on the back and forth of the battle.  Pudge texted live reports to Gazette after every hole.  The format this year went from total score to 18 hole match play.  Rumor has it the change was to speed up play but we think it had to do with both players pertinacity to score an occasional X.

As Pudge, Billy D, Mad Dog, Bear, Cheez and Bow Pete watched on the first tee, Commish who won the toss teed off with a quick snap hook followed by Birdie's stinger driver slicing into the woods.   As the score card shows it was an even battle early, a Birdie advantage in the middle followed by a Commish surge to tie it up on 14, only to have Birdie take a 1up lead into 18.  It wasn't quite the hole-in-one, birdie finish of two years ago but it was an exciting match none the less.  This marks the third victory in row for Birdie.  Despite his lack of play in 2013,  Commish made it competitive to the end.

Winner Birdie With New "Beav" Hat
Commish handed over his credit card to the Pro Shop and told them to be on the lookout for an excited guy in a green shirt pawing over all the hats.  Everyone gathered on the patio to enjoy lunch and libations and highlights of the match.

Controversy Rains

It appears the Pot Game attendance may have peaked with the Red, White and Blue tournament's 30 players as this past weekend could only muster 14 players each day.

Saturday
Mad Dog faced with the puzzle of how to fit 14 Pot Gamers into fair teams, punted by creating two three man teams and two four man teams and announced quota was the format.  Half the Pot Gamers liked the idea and the other half voiced their displeasure.  So now we have a divided ranks of the quota lovers aka sand baggers and the real golfers who want to play Pot Game BB gross play only.

So the four teams were Team #1 Triple N, TJ and Bow Pete, Team #2 Mad Dog, 40 and Birdie, Team #3 Pudge, Skrocki, Bill M and House and Team # 4 Bear, Mixologist (2013 debut), Fireman and Blue Tees.

The ball was being played down for the first time in 2013.

Bear's team tag teamed their way to +4.5 on the front with low score of 38 and high score of 41.  The back nine belonged to Mad Dog's team with a strong +2.5.  Bear's team won overall in a squeaker with a +1.

Low scores were Pudge 72, Skrocki 75, Triple N 76, Mad Dog 78 and Fireman 79 (yes, that Fireman).  There were eight skins worth $8 a piece (Blue Tees 2, Bear 1, 40 1, Pudge 1, Skrocki 1, TJ 1 and Mad Dog 1.

Mad Dog got Bear for $2 so YTD Mad Dog up $3.

Despite the hot temps Commish and Cheez were no shows.

Sunday
After letting the quota lovers have their way on Saturday, Bear decided it was fair to play 2 BB with odd number of players on Sunday.  There were a few howls from the first tee especially when the pot stirrer was keeping the controversy alive.  Eventually all teams teed off on the north course lead by Team #1 Sandy, Tractorman and Andy Mac.  The other teams were Team # 2 Mad Dog, Dougie and TJ; Team #3 Pudge, Cheez, Brett and Rama and Team # 4 Bear, Skrocki, Birdie and Skooger.

Bear's team rolled in the birdies and clutch par putts putting them -3 on the front and followed it up with -1 on the back to sweep all sides.  Before they could take a seat on the deck the barbs and zingers were raining down on them from the the early finishers who were well oiled with libations.

Low scores of the day were Bear 70, Mad Dog 76, Sandy 77, Pudge 78, Tractorman 78 and Birdie 79.  There were eight skins worth $8 a piece (Bear 3, Dougie 1, Mad Dog 1, Pudge 1, Birdie 1, and Skrocki 1).

Bear took Mad Dog for $5 making the YTD total Bear $2

Birdie after making 8 par saving putts ranging from 6' to 15' was dubbed "Master Putter" by Skrocki. Skooger set a new Pot Game record with 8 double bogies or Xs in 18 holes.  After each hole was over Bear would ask what everyone had and Skooger would hold up two fingers symbolizing double bogey, until the last hole when he held up a single digit in the direction of his Captain.  A bogey sign or a salute not sure which.