Wednesday's Woes

Although cool, Wednesday proved another sunny day with no wind to start and fall like bluster on the back nine.  Twelve players showed up so three teams were formed to play a little 3BB.

Team #1 Bear, Dougie, Cheez and Bill M teed off first.  Bear brought along a roll of duct tape and bailing wire to try to hold the Cheez's game together in the event it started to go sideways.  Team #2 Skrocki, Walt, Skooger and Fireman looked confident on the first tee after they got a good look at their competition.  Team #3 Mad Dog, Billy D, Birdie and Blue Tees were the favorites on paper to win all three sides, but we all know what happens to "paper" favorites.

Team #1 and Team #3 shot average scores of +7 which in the 3BB format with no superstars is normal.  However Team #2 shot an almost impossible -1 on the front led by Walt's one under 35 and Skrocki's even par 36.  The ever optimistic Cheez when hearing of Team's #2 score said to his team "Well total is gone, but maybe we can win the back".

Team #1 pumped up by the the inspirational words of the Cheez, started out making two birdies on holes 10-12 which launched them to -6 to start out on the back nine.  They rode that hot start which included one more hole (15) with two birdies to a +1 score.  This despite the Cheez's lug nuts loosening and eventually his wheels falling completely off on 15, when he hit a classic hosel rocket into the swamp which was followed up by a super chunk which drowned a second ball.  The visor on his cap dipped down and he slowly walked down the path away from his team toward the next tee to have a Zen like moment to clear his head (didn't help though).

Team # 2 went into a funk on the back when they failed to get a single birdie on 10 and it followed it with a string of poor play which included having to use a 8 on the 12th hole.  They limped in with a whooping +19 on the back.

Team # 3 was cruising along until 13 when they all made double bogey 7s which shot them up to +7 from which they never recovered ending up with +11.  But the real story of the day was record number of trees that Mad Dog shots hit on his way to shooting one of his high scores of the year (84).  The damage to the trees was so extensive that Bretwood maintenance had to hire an arborist to assess the extent of the damage.

So when the smoke cleared Team #2 took one side and Team #1 took two sides.  Low scores of the day were Bear 70, Walt 73, Dougie 77 and Billy D 78.

Billy D was called out by Blue Tees in the Pro Shop before teams were picked calling him "Derailment".  So when Billy D had had enough he challenged Blue Tees to a dollar a hole match.  Then they were on the same team but it didn't stop the match or Billy D from clipping him for $7.

Mad Dog tried to pay off the Bear with a twenty so he didn't have to read off his score card in front of his fellow Pot Gamers, but they wouldn't let him get away with it.  He saved himself some money when they matched cards as it only cost him $13, which makes the YTD Bear up $16.

Close To The Vest

Deacon is being real coy about announcing his Captains picks for The 2013 Invitational.  Usually The Gazette has been given a sneak preview of who the selections are well in advance of the Pick'em Night.  He hasn't even given out a roster of whom he has invited.  Tractorman may have hit a nerve on the deck on Sunday when he announced to everyone that after a few libations at Ginos (rest in peace) Deacon had told him Birdie and Bear were going to be the Captains.  As soon as Tractorman said that Deacon's face got that "oh shit" look.  So he may have given it away already.  Or because he has been exposed he will now change it again to pretend he was not telling Tractorman the truth.  Its anyone's guess.

Here is how the prognosticators at The Gazette see it:

Rama vs House     3 to 1
Birdie vs Billy D   6 to 1
Blue Tees vs Deacon  25 to 1
Molasses Boy vs Skrocki 50 to 1
Cheez vs Bear 100 to 1

Who do you have?

Squeeze Play

This past weekend began the march to see who will be the 2013 Club Champion.  Mad Dog squeezed off the tee times for the Pot Game down to single time.  Obviously he was trying to force Pot Gamers to sign up to play in the Club Championship but forgetting how many Pot Gamers work at the course or are pros or are "old as the hills" and can't play from the Golds.

So when 16 players showed up on Saturday they had to invent their own method of getting a round in by starting on the 3rd hole North and pray that they could somehow squeeze in holes 1 and 2 when they completed the 18th.

Triple N captained 40, Tractorman and Loy first off the tee looked they were winners until they played holes 1 and 2 at the end to lose by 1 on the front.  Team #2 lead by Captain Pudge with Skrocki, Birdie and House got off to sluggish start and never recovered.  Team #3 Captained by Brad-Brian had Mixologist Danny Roy, Cheez and Dr Dave nipped Team #1 on the last two holes and took the front with +6 3BB.  Team #4 with Bear, Sandy, Billy D and Fireman never could get out of their own way and shot a miserable +16 on the front, however they roared back to take the back nine with a solid +3.  Team # 3 won the overall with a great score of +11, when everyone else was +19 or +20.

There were 11 skins worth $7 a piece( Bear 2, Mixologist 2, Triple N 1, Brad-Brian 1, House 1, Sandy 1, Tractorman 1, 40 1 and Skrocki 1).  Low scores of the day were Mixologist 74, Triple N 75, Bear 76 and Brad-Brian 78.  Everyone else was in the 80s or 90s.  Bear continued his match with Pudge and was able to win $4 so YTD Pudge up $4.

Dr Dave continued his streak of taking home Pot money as did the Cheez despite his struggling play which included one Chinese shot on 14.

Brett and TJ were the only Pot Gamers playing in the CC.  TJ prevailed 4&3.  Brett didn't so he can play on Sunday.

Sunday was cool to start but turned into another beautiful late summer day, sunny and in the 70s.  Fifteen players showed so they decided to play 2 BB with three man teams.  Skrocki lead Team #1 with Tractorman and Blue Tees.  They set a new speed record with a time of 3hr 22 minutes.  They never saw Team #2.  Team #2 had Andy Mac, Dougie and House.  Team #3 was Bear, Jay S and Brett.  Team # 4 Mad Dog, Billy D and Cheez.  Bringing up the rear of the pack was team #5 Brad-Brian, Birdie and Fireman.

Team # 3 despite a slow start was able to shoot +2 on the strength of Brett's eagle on 5 and his birdie on 7 and a whole bunch of pars.  The other teams were shooting between +5 and +10.  On the back nine three teams tied with +1 (Teams #1, #2 and #3).  So Team #3 took 2.3 sides and had to take the drink orders.

There were 7 Skins worth $10 a piece (Brett 2, Tractorman 1, Mad Dog 1, Bear 1, House 1 and Blue Tees 1).  Low scores of the day Bear 72, Skrocki 76, Mad Dog 77 and Andy Mac 78.  Everyone else kept it in the 80s.

Mad Dog coughed up $5 to Bear in their automatic match making the YTD Bear up $3.

Cheez with his game on suicide watch had only one fear before tee off,  that he would be matched up with Mad Dog who would have him under his microscope all day long.  When the teams were announced you knew what was going to happen and it did.  Mad Dog after the front nine described his team mates as "Train Wreck" and "Derailment".  Billy D did put his game back on the tracks on the back nine but poor Cheez was done before he started and struggled all day long.

But Cheez wasn't the only one who hit a hosel rocket.  Brett after driving around the corner on 12 promptly deposited his ball in the river to the right with a power shank.  Jay S seeing that could barely pull his club back to hit his shot for fear of copying his playing partner.  Sixty yards from the green they made bogey double bogey.  The fear of the shank is as powerful as the shank.

TJ won his second match and will not be playing the Pot Game next Saturday.  Good Luck TJ.

Dougie's Invitational Road Trip

Pot Gamers Arriving at Okemo

The 2nd Annual Dougie Pot Game Road Trip traveled to VT's Okemo Valley golf course with 16 players on Wednesday.  The weather was perfect and the course was in excellent shape with the exception of newly top dressed greens loaded with sand.  To say it was hilly would be an understatement.  Host Dougie decided they would play the tips 6434 yards.

The host Dougie created four balanced teams with Chuckie's help and kept the secret of who was on which team until just before tee off.

Team #1 Mad Dog, Luke, Dougie and Cheez. They teed off first (huge mistake) when Bear's team was not all assembled on the tee box.  They set a five hour pace backing up the entire course.  Cheez couldn't get his "Golf Buddy" gps to find the Okemo course at first and was preoccupied with it as he teed off the first hole.  His frustration with it continued for the first 6 holes when his yardage didn't agree with Dougie's "Sky Caddie".  He finally asked his playing partners what does 140 m mean.  They said it means you have been playing meters instead of yards for the first six holes...the legend of Cheez continues to grow.

Team # 2 Bear, Sandy, Walt and Hagen got to watch Team #1 not be able to keep pace with four senior women in front of them who were gone from their sight by the second hole.  They struggled with the greens playing break that wasn't there or never matching the speed uphill or down.  Their scores reflected their struggles as they were the only team not to cash.

Team # 3 Triple N, Brad-Brian, Billy D and House were the early favorites to win it all and their + 3 2BB and 3BB on par fives proved the prognosticators correct in winning the front.  Triple N set the pace for his team with a 1 under 34 on the front nine.

Team # 4 Pudge, Otis, Birdie and Fireman got off to a fast start with Pudge's opening birdie but missed out on winning the front by a couple of shots when Otis's driver produced three Xs on his card.

Team # 1 comfortable with their snail pace shot a solid +4 on the back which gave them back and half of the overall for 1.5 sides of the pot.  Team #4 on the strength of Pudge's incredible score of even par 70 tied for overall with +11 for .5 side of the pot.  Team # 3 took the front for 1 side of the pot.

There were 10 skins worth $9 a piece (Pudge 5 (quintuple Roy Boy), Triple N 2, Brad-Brian 1, Mad Dog 1, Otis 1).  Low scores Pudge 70, Triple N 75, Luke 78 and Bear 79.  Those were the only players breaking 80.  Six players shot in the 90s, Six players shot in the 80s.

Pudge picked Bears pocket for $9, Mad Dog and Bear broke even in their match making Mad Dog YTD up $2.

Three and even four putts were more common than one putts except for Pudge.  After rounds of adult beverages on the patio, everyone agreed that Dougie produced another great Road Trip and look forward to next year.  Most also tried to block out of their memory what they actually shot...

Lots Of Leftovers

Congrats to Triple N on his victory in the Sr Division of the Keene Cities tournament a week ago.  He posted a pair of 75s which was good for a two stroke victory.  Otis with a furious comeback from his 83 at KCC shot a 73 good enough for 3rd place.  John Hollar part time Pot Gamer finished 4th and Bear 6th with a pair of 80s.  Other Senior Division Pot Gamers placing were Billy D, Jay Esch, Tractorman, Little Bow Pete,  House, Fireman, Jay Smith, Bill Maguire, Skrocki and Rama. TJ playing with the kids (half his age) had a respectable finish in the Open Division with a tie for 6th.  Rumor has it from the Committee that in 2014 KCC will be eliminated and both rounds will be played a good old Bretwood.  To say KCC was tricked up to have high scores was an understatement.  There were numerous stories being told of three and four putts as well as players putting off the green on 17.

Little Bow Pete was given a new nickname after his slow play at KCC.  From now on he will be known as "Molasses Boy"  as in slow as....  Other members of his foursome were able to take cat naps as he prepared to take his shot.

Cheez after a week long break up north at his timeshare has found his game.  It only took four tubs of range balls to dig it out of the dirt.  He did forget to practice his putting though so those low 70 scores he was planning on peeked in the high 70s.  He did not go out to eat at any Chinese Restaurants while on vacation.

If you have not paid Deacon $120 for his Invitational you are officially on his "shit list" and he is looking for you.  At last count he had 20 players hoping to get 24.  The strongest rumor for Captains is Billy D vs Birdie as of last week.  The rematch of Bear vs Cheez is fading fast along with Deacon vs Blue Tees.  House vs Rama is still under consideration which is making House twitch even more than usual.

There is no truth to the rumor that the Gazette is for sale and that John Henry is looking to buy it for the 70 Million the price he bought the Boston Globe for; although we would have to consider it.

Natasha

Billy D has been going for weekly massages since January to keep his game in shape.  But it wasn't his golf game he was talking about by the look at his masseuse Natasha.

Jay Smith needs a nickname.  It could be about his age looks 60 but is only 50 or anything you can think of; let us know. we will pick the best one.  Speaking of which, Bill Maguire will be known as Jerry for the foreseeable future or until we come up with a better one.  If you have to ask. you don't get out to the movies very often do you.

Chuckie is taking reservations for the month of February for the use of his state of the art driving range in his new "Big House".  January is already sold out.  He told Bonnie the range would pay for itself and he might be right based on the response so far.

Wednesday Woes

Under cooler conditions twelve Pot Gamers teed it up for a little 3BB.  They played the weekend format complete with skins and $20 entry fee.  Team #1 Pudge, Bow Pete, Birdie and Billy D on paper the clear favorite got off to a rocky start with a mystifying +12 on the front nine of North.  Team #2 Bear, Skrocki, Cheez and Skooger was the wildcard team as they teeded off because Skooger hadn't played in two weeks, Cheez was in a very fragile state recovering from the dreaded "Chinese" disease, Skrocki has been schizophrenic shooting either high 60s or mid 80s and Bear can't putt into the hole and they shot a mediocre +5.  Team #3 Mad Dog, TJ, Walt and House proved to be the team to beat as they cruised to an easy +2 front.  Pudge rallied his team to shot a respectable +6 on the back as Bear's team succumbed to the pressure and imploded to +12 and Mad Dog's team tripped up to shoot +9.  Mad Dog did collect 2/3 of the Pot which sent him into the Club House to buy all the drinks.

Low scores of the day were Mad Dog 76, Bear 76, Walt 77, Pudge 79 and TJ 79.  There were 8 skins worth a measly $7 a piece (Birdie 2, TJ, Skooger, Billy D, Pudge, Walt, Mad Dog).

Mad Dog on the strength of 2 birdies nipped Bear for $2 making the YTD Mad Dog up $2.  Bear accepted the challenge laid down by Pudge on the 1st tee to play a match and came out on top for a $1 (which has been sent away for framing to hang on his trophy wall).

Cheez shot an easy 39 on the front only to see his dream of a smooth 75 be taken away by his second shot on 14 that careened off the stonewall in front of the 15th tee.  After that a million thoughts raced through his head, not one of them positive.  Game over for the rest of the round although to his credit he tried to the end.  It really made no difference as the rest of his team was headed south with him.

The City Championship is filled with Pot Gamers in the Senior division which will make for a small pool of Pot Gamers over the weekend.

TJ has created a foursome of Pot Gamers who he hopes will bring him the elusive SP NH Championship on Monday.  The Pot Gamers are hoping first prize is a free pass if you get caught speeding card.

Deacon reports he is putting the finishing touches on his Invitational.  For those fortunate to have been give the secret handshake your $120 payment is due August 1st. (Cash Only just like buying a beer at Bretwood).  Sandy has agreed to host the "Pic-Em Party" again this year.  Several rumors are swirling around as to who will be the Captains.  Here are what we have heard so far...Deacon and Blue Tees; Billy D and Birdie; Rama and House and rematch of Bear vs Cheez.

Latest Commish rumor is he is breeding donkeys for donkey basketball and has no time for golf.

Sr Pro has asked for a moment of silence as Gino's is slated to close this weekend.  "I don't know what the F__k I am going to do.  It is like I lost my best friend..F__kers."

Chuckster's new "Big House" is taking shape high on the knoll opposite the driving range.  It only took months and thousands of dollars in Municipal fees to be able to start building.  What a city...  It should be nice when it is all finished with the indoor driving range and heated pool.

Heat Wave Weekend

First came the rain, then the flood, then the bugs and now the heat.  Saturday 21 Pot Gamers tried to beat the heat with an early pre 7am tee off, but by look of dripping wet shirts on the deck,  it didn't work.

Saturday

Mad Dog with calculator in hand created seven teams of three playing 2BB on the crowded South course.  The Dog could not muster enough ambition to join in but no one is sure why, other than in his last venture he lost $5 to Bear and filled the air with F bombs after missed putts.

Team #1 featured Triple N, Chimney and Bill M.  Followed by Team #2 Pudge, Jay S, and Fireman, Team # 3 TJ, Jay Esh and Rama, Team # 4 Bear, Dickie Mac and Andy Mac, Team # 5 Skrocki, 40 and Dr Dave, Team #6 Bow Pete, Tractorman and House, Team #7 Sandy, Joey M and Billy D.

As teams finished the front nine word spread that several teams were at even par until Skrocki's team reported they were -1 which everyone thought was good until Sandy's team finished with -2 to take the front.  The back nine proved to be easier somehow as two teams were -2 only to have Skrocki's team go crazy with -4 to sweep back and overall.

There were six skins worth $17 a piece by (Joey M, Pudge, 40, Cheez, Triple N and Billy D).
Low scores were Skrocki 69, Triple N 70, Jay Esh 71, Bow Pete 73, Bear 74 and Pudge 74.  A total of 15 players broke 80, which is an unusually high percentage.

Skrocki played Bear in Mad Dog's absence and clipped him good for $8 with his 5 birdie day.  Rama got deep in House's pocket when he shot 77.  Billy D broke form and shot 77 messing his perfect record of always shooting 82.  Dr Dave keeps his winning streak alive as he continues to take home pieces of the pot.

The seats in the shade were most popular on the deck as temps were soaring into the high 90s.  All Anheuser  products are on the outs at Bretwood so everyone has to scramble to find something new to drink.

Sunday 

With a high percentage of Pot Gamers only playing one day on a weekend the number of players on Sunday dropped to 16.  Mad Dog before he went on grandfather duty was able to put together four teams of four to play 3BB on the North Course.

Team #1 led by long driving but iron chunking Captain Luke had 40, Chimney and Billy D.  Team #2 Captained by Bear fresh off his loss to Skrocki along with Dougie, Cheez and Rama.  Team #3 High 70 Shooting Sandy Captained Andy Mac, Birdie and House.  Team #4 Captained by Love Number Shooting Skrocki with TJ, Bill M and Fireman.  With three teams shooting either +8 or +9 one team rolled along at +2, Team # 2.  The back nine Sandy went to the whip and his Team #3 responded with seven birdies and a score of -3.  Their score was good for the back but not overall as Bear's team took that by 2 shots.

There were five skins worth $16 a piece (Bear, Rama, Luke, House and Dougie).  Low scores of the day were Bear 72, Andy Mac 74, Sandy 78 and Billy D 78.  Half the field broke 80 including the Cheez with 79.  Rama lost a few bucks to House on the strength of House's birdie, birdie finish.  Bear got revenge on Skrocki winning back all his money from Saturday plus a few dollars.

Cheez fragile as an antique vase worrying about the dreaded laterals wasn't helped when Deacon rolled up in his cart on the third tee box and in his booming voice said "Hey Phil, I heard you aren't shanking anymore."  Nice guy.  Cheez hit draws or baby hooks all the way around instead as he made his goal of breaking 80.  The "Sticks" at the Villages may take him back after all.

Commish despite the hot weather was a no show again.  Rumor has it the losses to Birdie damaged his psyche to a point where he can't pull the trigger anymore.  Either that or he has had to fill in catching for the Swamp Bats.

The Anheuser boycott by The Big House lasted only a few days as the Budlights and Michelob Lights will be flowing next weekend.  So Murt's dream of having Miller Lites in the cooler ended before he could buy one.

Next weekend is the Cities which will wipe out most of the players for the Pot Game.

Back In Business

The Gazette is ready to report tales from the Pot Game after the editor made it back across the border from sunny PEI.

Pudge announced that Sully has laid down a challenge for Pot Gamers to venture to his course in Maine on August 3rd to play a match against his heavy drinking low scoring group. Let Pudge know if you want to go. It will cost $50 for green fee and cart.

Wednesday's mid week Pot Game produced 14 players braving the soaring 90 degree temps and rotting grass stink.  even though there were uneven teams it was decided to play 2BB.  Team #1 Triple N, Walt and Dougie set the pace with a front nine even par. Team #2 Mad Dog, Bow Pete and Cheez were a little slow out of the box with only a +3.  Team #3 Bear, Sandy, Billy D and House started slow but closed strong to shoot +1.  Team # 4 Pudge, Skrocki, Birdie and Blue Tees kicked off with a birdie on the first hole and never looked back making a total of 9 birdies on the front to win going away with -5.

The back nine was a little more competitive with Pudge and Bear's team tied at -1 and the other teams shooting +1.  So Team #4 won 2.5 sides and got to buy all the libations for the dehydrated Pot Gamers.

Low scores of the day Triple N 74, Bear 74, Pudge 75, Sandy 76 and Walt 76.  Nine players broke 80.  No Cheez was not one of them as he has become addicted to Chinese food of late.

Bear got deep into Mad Dog's pocket for $5 which makes YTD All Square.

House's new putting grip looks like his hands are folded like he is praying.  Tough to look at but he thinks his ball is rolling better.  Let's just say the jury is still out on that.

Mad Dog filled the air with F bombs during his round to point that Cheez and Bow Pete thought they were playing Sr Pro.

Billy Ds name has been submitted to USGA for the most consistent golfer of the year.  He shoots 82 give or take a stroke every time he tees it up.  As 81 on Wednesday proved.

Parts of the North course look like low tide mud flats and smells even worse.

Over The Border

Even though the Gazette is shut down for a few weeks, when news breaks we are on it.

The Little Bow Pete Archery shop is under investigation by both the Tobacco and Firearms unit and Drug Enforcement Agency. It seems Bow Pete has been shipping bows and arrows to a radical tribe of pigmies in Botswana. The type of arrows that can be fitted with poison tips. Drug Enforcement wants him for distribution of Deer Antler spray, not the wimpy kind VIjay Singh was taking but the kick ass kind which would take a low 80 shooter and make him into a low 70s shooter. It seems that several members of the Pot Game turned him in to authorities after he was beating them with his low scores and collecting all the Pot money. We interviewed one of the secret informants. "Everybody can get lucky once in a while but this has gone too far when I take him to a Pro Am and he out drives me and shots a lower score than me. I am the Pro that is not suppose to happen. I had to do the right thing. Plus Birdie told me he voted for Obama so he deserves what ever is coming to him."

Run to Gino's as fast as you can because it is being replaced by Duncan Donuts later this summer. Can you picture Sr Pro sitting at the counter sipping on a latte instead of his 6th Coors Light. What is this world coming to...

That's all for now.

The Inside Scoop

The new TaylorMade R1 Black driver has made its way into the bags of Fireman and Billy D. The bottom of the club looking like a compass was glued onto it.  Both players have it toed in (closed) at least 2 degrees to ensure as Billy D likes to say "I will never cut this driver".  Reports are both are still cutting it a little bit.

Cheez has convinced all the Mid-Week Pot Gamers to stay on Villagers time which means they don't tee off until sometime after 8am.  It will stay that way according to the "Want To Be Commissioner" Cheez until July 1st , when they will arise early to tee off at 7:45am.

Gazette will be on a news Black-Out until July 15th.  Editor will be away for the next three weeks.  Any cub reporters who would like to send in some news we will try to get it online.

Loy continues to show up for Pot Games hoping to match cards with Commish but every week is disappointed.  Loy does keep busy though having to fend off House from stealing his cigarettes on the deck.

When Pudge is one of the youngest players in the Pot Game you know the group is not doing enough recruiting of fresh young talent.  The youngters probably haven't been asked to play in the group, but even if they had unless their politics are right of Attila the Hun, have thick skins to protect them from the verbal barbs and f bombs and can tune out constant complaining about format, unfair teams, playing the ball down, etc., they probably would not fit in.  So we are faced with the graying of the Pot Game stocked with players who can't remember names, can't see where their ball went, don't know what their yardage is because they forget to charge their SkyCaddie's the night before and can't remember which way their putt breaks even though they had the same putt yesterday.

Monday is the annual NHPGA Pro Am Senior played at Pheasant Ridge.  Pudge is bringing Commish, Billy D and Fireman to do battle against Mad Dog, Triple N, Bow Pete and Cheez.  The winners usually go to eat at Longhorn and the losers stop at the McDonalds drive thru.  Who do think will take the title this year?

Friday June 21st will be the first official day of summer, which means after that the days get shorter and winter and snow are just around the corner...