Merry Christmas 2012

A Visit From Little Prick/'Twas the Night Before the Pot Game
(reprinted from 2009 )

 

'Twas the night before the Pot Game, when all throughout Keene

Not a golfer was stirring, not even the Trooper being mean;

The golf clubs were polished and ready to go,

In hopes that all the best players would show;

The Pot Gamers were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of birdies and skins danced in their heads;

And Suzy in her G-string, and I in my Yankees cap,

Had just settled down for a quickie and a nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what the f__k was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up on the sash.

The moon on the dew of the freshly mowed grass

Gave the appearance to me of Suzy’s firm little ass,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a dilapidated old golf cart, and eight drunken Pot Gamers dressed as reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be that Little Prick.

More rapid than turtles his coursers they came,

And he tried to whistle, then slurred, and called them by name;

"Now, Deacon! now, Murt! now, Pudgey and Bear!

On, Fireman! on Cheese! on, 40 and Who the F__k cares!

To the top of the clubhouse! to the top of the wall!

Now stagger away! stagger away! stagger away all!"

Like Loy’s 20 dollars that before the wild winds fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the drunkards they flew,

With the cart full of Mic Lights, and the Little Prick too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The F__kin Bear’s birdie call of woof, woof.

As I stood there bollocky bare ass, and was turning around,

Down the chimney the Little Prick came with a bound.

He was dressed like a golfer from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of beers he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a Pot Gamer who had just bought a rack.

His eyes were all squinty! His hat was on crooked!

His cheeks were all stubbly, He looked pretty snookered!

His droll little mouth was drawn like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was dirtier than snow;

The stub of his cigarette hung from his lip,

And the ash curved down from the tip;

He had popcorn stuck to his face from the bar he just left,

He had so much of it on him, it could be called theft.

He was little and tiny, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know it was not long before he was ready for bed

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all my coolers; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his cart, and called out to his team,

God help me I just saw Sr naked, tell me it’s just a damn dream.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"I’m still The Commish, watch out for the cart eating ditch, I’m not having a good night."

Little Prick
Photo By Elf Enterprises

A Look Into The Future

The Gazette's crystal ball predicts the following will happen in 2013, unless the Mayan's were correct and the world will end on the 21st.

Commish will pack his clubs away and becomes a full time farmer (animal care giver) when Mrs Commish brings in an abused elephant, six donkeys, two zebras and twenty miniature goats to her already overcrowded animal shelter.

Cheez will sell his house and play the Pot Game for the last time in August. He will demand his hole-in-one pool money back because he won't have an opportunity to make one. He will be denied.

Birdie with the economy sliding into recession again renounces his Democratic Liberal ways and makes Fox News his station of choice every night.

TJ attended the Pelz Short Game school to sharpen his game since he already hits it over 300 with a fade with new extra stiff shafted driver.

Murt makes a comeback with new hip. His game is sharp as ever along with his deck wit. Back on the Pro Am circuit with Pudge.

Brad-Brian decked out in Chicago Bear's colors gets a Saturday pass from his wife to play in the Pot Games. After having one too many on the deck in June, wife revokes pass for a month.

Deacon starts organizing Invitational in March. Floats out 22 different dates to see who can play, picks one but then changes back and forth three times. Ends up with a foursome of Blue Tees (who had some new ideas on format), Skooger (heard there was free popcorn) and Mini (Daddy didn't have any news jobs lined up for him that weekend). Tournament was canceled.

Tractorman had stomach problems. Turns out the 12 bowls of Chili he ate at Deacon's Christmas Party burned a hole in his stomach lining. Had to go on an all yogurt diet for three months. While on the diet, he started salivating every time a Pot Gamer ate a hamburger on the deck.

Mad Dog started driving again. He found that by cocking his head to the right at an angle of four degrees,  he could see most of the road. He only hit 6 mailboxes through the end of June and only 4 after that before they took away his license.

Chuckie doesn't work in the Pro Shop. His days are filled with supervising the bartenders in the Men's lounge. If he is bragging about 36s and 40s he is not talking golf scores.

Sr Pro returned as a regular. F bombs filled the air from tee to green just like old times. Suzy made a few appearances on the deck as well.

Cabot resumed his Week Day Commissioner role when he got back in May. He wore spikeless shoes so when he walks in Pot Gamers lines he doesn't leave any marks. His house never sold so he will be back next year unlike the Cheez.

Danny Roy tried to play once in April but his cellphone ran out of power on the back nine so his girlfriend could not reach him every five minutes so he wasn't allowed to come back. His Jungle Juice was greatly missed.

Jay Esh received notice from the USGA that his putter no longer qualifies for play because of the plugger on the bottom for picking his ball out of cup. He was told it was too much of an unfair advantage. He suspects John Holler turned him into the USGA.

Fireman misses several Mid Week Pot Games after he spent the night in his plush Captain's quarters at the new Keene Firehouse. The Gazette's under cover reporter found out his sleeping late was caused by the nightly massages he receives from the female interns and plunges in the hot tub shaped like a fire truck which relaxed him into a noodle state.

Billy D takes a terrible tumble on the ski slopes and wrenches his back in the opposite direction of his golf swing.  Which resulted in his back feeling like a million bucks leading to his lowest index (1.2) ever by July.  Plays as a Captain for the rest of the summer.

Dougie quits teaching and starts a new company which organizes "road trip" tournaments for members of private clubs at all the best courses in New England.  Meets with huge success until he hires Deacon to drive a van to transport players and he (Deacon) gets lost and 8 players missed their tee time.  By September Dougie is back teaching.

Triple N recovers from achilles tear but his golf game doesn't.  Rumor has it that he depressed over not getting his desired nickname of Zoom Zoom.  He walks too slow with limp so nickname is inappropriate.

House never returned to Pot Game because he was collecting too many quarters from the B Group.  He did try to get into the Chili Party but was turned away at the door by Deacon when he didn't know the secret Pot Gamer handshake.  Public Service never hired him back for emergency line work because they said he was too twitchy with his wrench and pole.

Little Bow Pete now banished from Illinois and Iowa for illegal hunting techniques (crossbow) decides to give up hunting altogether.   He decided to write a book titled "Winning By Not Giving Anything".  It was not a success.  Only a few copies were sold.  it was dedicated to someone named George.

Chimney's "rama jama" putting technique was caught on film when he played a Charity event at Foxwoods sponsored by Dick's Sporting Goods in June.   Dick's hired him to give putting demos throughout the Northeast at their stores.  So no more rooftops for him.

Sandy's scores climb when he plays in windy conditions because of his high trajectory.  He quietly sought out Commish to learn the art of the "stinger" shot.  So now there are four players who can hit it Commish, Birdie, Sandy and TW.

Pudge celebrated giving his 10,000th lesson in May.  The bad part of that was the "Big House" sent him a bill for range use after they read the article in the Sentinel.  Memorial Day marked his largest number of Pot Gamers at a Red, White and Blue Tournament 30 only to be topped by 4th of July's 32.

Otis got his T-Bird work schedule down to 3 hours a day (6-9am).  So with 5 hours a day free before he has to go home to check his honey-do-list, he increased his already plentiful scramble tournament schedule.  But in August his picture appeared in the Sentinel as winner of Clark Distributors Bud Light Scramble, thus ended his appearance in weekend Pot Games.  His wife subscribes to The Sentinel. 

Hagen and his wife tired of the Temple Band formed their own "Umpa Band".  They play at German restaurants all across New England. The Gazette has yet to get a picture of Hagen in his lederhosen.

Skrocki after wearing out the faces of his 25 year old irons finally breaks down and gets a new set.  Well new to him,  as he cut a deal with Billy D to get his irons that he would normally turn into Pudge at Dick's.  So looks like Skrocki will be playing with two new sets a summer.

Rama has had the John Daley backswing and the Doug Sanders backswing, but in February he asked Deacon to teach him the "Smooth Swing With Posing", that AD has perfected.  It worked so well that instead of Deacon winning all the Pots they flowed into Rama pockets.  With the better swing came better scores so the "Sons of Beeches" and "Swahili  Cockboxer" which filled the air were no more.  They were missed.

Forty after having to keep filling up his "40 Mobile" even though he wasn't using it, decided to lock it in his garage to keep it away from his neighbor.  His wife found him a third job doing landscaping after he gets done reading meters and checking houses.  So if Pot Gamers need a landscaper they just head to Mad Dog's neighborhood and they now have two choices.

Mini after finding out his neighbor started a landscaping business in June, decided to attend beauty school to get licensed as a hairdresser.   He talked Mrs Mad Dog into being his first customer after he got his license in July.  She was mysteriously house bound for several weeks in July and then wore a hat when she was in public.  The State took his license away in August and was forced to move out of Daddy's compound the same month.

Skooger opened a new business in March.  He bought a used lunch truck and retrofitted it with two huge popcorn popper machines.  He calls it "Artie's Flying Kernels".  By September he was out of business and thirty pounds heavier from eating too much of his own creations.

Blue Tees realizing his blood pressure was dangerously elevated when he played in Pot Games, enrolled in January in an online course called "Meditate Your Way To Lower Scores".  It was working for the first few months, but then he decided to elevate his technique which required him to chant when he was under extreme pressure.  In July he was back to being red faced  and frustrated in other words normal.

Scotty-Steve joined Brattleboro instead of Bretwood.  He invites three Pot Gamers over every month to play matches.  He usually wins because he has his "biker" girlfriend caddy for him dressed in only a bikini.  When the weather turned cool in September his winning ways did take a dip.

Joey M founded an organization called YAGFONH (Yankee And Giant Fans Of NH).  Between keeping up with the Facebook and Twitter feeds for his organization he hardly has time for playing in the Pot Game.  Deacon was a charter member.  He does however make time for his own tournament called OFITR (One Foot In The Rough) played in September.

Your're Invited

The Deacon aka Captain America, Invitational Tournament Director, Trooper #1, One and half Lung, Richie Allen Hater, Don King Hair, Stair Kicker Downer, Putter Looper, Smooth Swinger, Former Bail Commissioner  invites all Pot Gamers (except Village People) to his Annual Chili Party at Yankee Lanes, 477 Park Ave, Keene, NH at 6pm this Wednesday December 12th. 

The Chili has been simmering for days to get the "just right" bite.  Homemade rolls lovingly kneaded by "The Man" himself will melt in your mouth.  Barbara lets The Deacon take all the credit but she is the real brains behind the operation buying all the ingredients, using her kitchen and has to feed Al beers while he is cooking.

Rules of the evening:
1. Be sure to waive at The Deacon when you come in unless he is on a roll of strikes, then don't make eye contact.
2. Thank Barbara and give her condolences for putting up with the Host for all these years.
3. Bring money to buy at least one Pitcher of Coors Light.
4. Stay clear of Chili Pot when Tractorman is filling his bowl which will happen numerous times during the evening.
5. Purge "Dumplings" from your vocabulary.  Last guy to describe rolls as "Dumplings" purged from Guest list for life.
6. When you leave be sure to Thank your host and hostess or you will be on the same list as the Village People in 2013.

Hope for an unsuspecting bowler to wandered over to the food table and start to help themselves and watch for Deacon to leap over the benches on the alleys and verbally light them up.  Well worth coming to watch.

Possible lost souls making an appearance this year: Sr Pro, Scotty-Steve.  Regulars who show Tractorman, Murt, Pudge, Billy D, Commish, Bear and Blue Tees.

Time Of His Life

Cheez, Eric and Doodleburger on 18th at Pebble Today.

The Cheez after waiting for over 20 years has finally played Pebble Beach with his boys. But they made a few stops before like Cypress Point, The Presidio, Harding Park and Pasatiempo Golf Course. Pictures of Alister MacKenzie former residence and plaque.  It is a trip of a lifetime.

Cypress Point First Tee You Hit Over Hedge

No Time To Waste

As soon as Bretwood officially closed Chuckie wasted no time in planning his recruitment trip for hiring his new Bartenders for his member's only Men's lounge.  Commish begged to go with him , but he ended up taking Rama Yama with him instead.  Below you will find the finalists in his search.  Be sure to let him know who your favorites are he should hire.  Also work on the new locker room is almost finished as you can see in the picture snapped by our undercover reporter.  Can't wait for next summer when everyone's bar tab will be through the roof.

New Locker Room

Bad Timing

The last day for Bretwood to be open was last Sunday.  Although the weatherman promised 50 degree temperatures he didn't deliver.  At 9:30am  the greens were still covered with snow and the temp hovered around freezing.  Deacon, Billy D (without his clubs), Tractorman, TJ (who did hit balls on the range) and Bear all showed up in hopes of playing. Bear was even equipped for play with brooms to swept off the greens if necessary but it never warmed up enough  to use them.  So after a few libations in the parking lot in full view of the man from the big house who circled around in his new truck a few times.  They all said goodbye and headed home to watch football.  By 11:30 everything had melted and the course was playable but no Pot Gamers were around.  So the longest Pot Game season on record ended in disappointment.

The Big Winding Down of 2012

As the snow is falling on the last Saturday for golf at Bretwood, December 1st, hard to believe it is going to be almost 50 degrees tomorrow.  So take the clubs out of the closet and pack them in the trunk and head over to the course for one last time with your fellow Pot Gamers.  We should be able to tee off between 9-9:30 on Sunday.

Now for some reflections of the past season:

Opening Day Pot Gamers

March
Mud Season usually is associated with the month of March, except this year it marked the earliest opening of Bretwood in history.  St Patricks Day kicked off the first Pot Game.

Some Pot Gamers started on the IR list.  Joey M knee replacement, Sandy shoulder repair and Murt hip (gone for the season).

Mike B after trying to make up his own nickname was crowned No Nick Name, which Pudge shortened to Triple N.  Not the one he hoped for but at least he has one.

A few dropped out of the Pot Game Sr Pro, Scotty-Steve and all the Roy Boys.

April
Joe D gets a nickname.  A prominent Pot Gamer named him TJ for either Trooper Joe or Trooper Junior, he wasn't totally clear on which one.  The nickname has stuck.  

The Heathen Open was played on Easter Sunday with 8 Pot Gamers.  Mad Dog makes first appearance.

Mini moves into Daddy's compound and becomes 40's neighbor.  He also thinks of the 40mobile as his own because he uses it all the time to get to the course when 40 isn't home.

Huslander is allowed back into the Pot Game by The Commish (in a weak moment) and insisted he be allowed to play white tees.  He regretted that decision later in the summer 

Mad Dog can't figure out how many teams can be created from 18 players. He comes to the tee with cards made out for 5 teams (two teams of 3 and three teams of 4).  Gets fired by Commish.

Otis forgets GHIN computer is open for scores and shoots in the low 70s.  Commish informs him now always a Captain.  Oops.

May

Billy D has a cut that he can't get rid of.

Lenny back from the Villages resumes his duty as Week Day Commish.

Mad Dog and Bear start an automatic "Dollar-A-Hole" match for the year.

The first Gold Game was played mid month, but almost didn't happen when several Pot Gamers pressured Commish to cancel.  But Pot Gamers who wanted to play prevailed.

Cheez arrives back from The Villages.  Leaves his game in FL.

House picks up two Xs.. No surprise there.

Bridge on 7 North

The Great Flood came late in the month and did major damage to both courses.  Bridge by driving range on main road was washed away forcing everyone to drive thru Surry to get to Bretwood. 

House makes hole-in-one collects only 2012 pool of $270.  He was too cheap to buy in for 2011 pool.

June

The Battle Of The Beav between Birdie and Commish was played at a soggy Bretwood North instead of Beaver Meadow in Concord, when the Pro Am got canceled.  As you can tell by photo Birdie prevailed.  Gazette did live hole by hole updates on the blog.

Cheez loses blankee.  Rama finds it and returns foul smelly towel to its owner so he would stop crying.

Loy shows up long enough to lose over $30 to Commish, but within a few weeks was never seen again.

Bear's game is heading south and his lead over Mad Dog in their match has turned in Mad Dog's favor.

Little Bow Pete and Cheez pull a mutiny and try to start their own Pot Game.  Only House follows.  They come crawling back to the fold.

July

First Red, White and Blue was played on the Saturday before the 4th.  Twenty-Three players showed.  Almost enough for an Invitational.

Bear away from Pot Game so Birdie and TJ fill in as reporters.

Quota creeps into the format when teams come out uneven.  Cheez protests but no one is listening.

Bookie Bear establishes a over/under line on Deacon's scores.  Proves to be very popular with Pot Gamers.  The Dougie Invitational in VT was a windfall for the bookie as only Mad Dog took the under and The Dog coached up Deacon to shoot under.

Birdie Adds Montcalm Hat

Battle At The Beav At Montcalm proved no better for Commish as Birdie prevailed again.  

August

Mad Dog shows no mercy for the struggling Bear and has been clipping him for $10 a round.

Mr Invitational

Deacon's Invitational after a few starts and stops was played with 20 players.  Cheez Captained the Blue team (same color as his Political Party) and Bear Captained the Red team.  Cheez using his "White Tee Sluts" strategy in his picks prevailed.  Deacon has never been on winning team still and Sandy hosted the Pic'em Party.  Little Bow Pete made his first hole-in-one but not the pot because not official Pot Game.

Pudge's old farts prevailed over Mad Dog's old farts at the NHPGA Sr. ProAm at Pheasant Ridge.  Pudge's team ate steak on the way home, Mad Dog's ate from McDonalds $1 menu.

September

Pudge hosted Labor Day Red, White & Blue tournanment.  21 Players showed.  Deacon can't figure out how he gets so many players to his events.

Tractorman on a tear with score in low to mid 70s every round and lots of cash rolling his way.

Mad Dog has stroke and lost peripheral vision to his right side.  Back flicking the white ball around within a few weeks.

Cheez ices Pot Gamers who show up to wish him a safe trip to The Villages and goodbye.  Despite announcing he would be playing he never showed, slept in instead.  Earned himself a 2013 X from Commish.

Bear's game magically reappears and starts shooting in the low 70s again.

October 

Chili temps have moved the starting tee times back to 8am.  Frost starting to appear as well.

Mad Dog's pile of cash from his mid summer winnings from Bear has started to dwindle and moved back into Bear's pocket.

Attendance is down with the cool weather averaging about 10 per round.

Birdie shots Bullwinkle with TJ as his sherpa.  Fireman sees Bullwinkle's sister within first 20 minutes of hunt but takes six more days before he locates her again.  She is now in his freezer.

Great White Hunter and His Sherpa

TJ and Pistol Pete have to go out of state inorder to find their little Bambies.  Pot Gamers turn Hunters.

November

Mad Dog retired and unretired a dozen times but played enough Pot Games to eventually lose all his winnings to Bear.  YTD Bear up $2.

Hole-In-One Pool still intact with total of $600 for 2011 and new 2012 pools

Billy D's back was trouble in the spring and is again with the cold temperatures.

Deacon shot in the 80s and 90s every round but still managed to be on the winning team 10 times in a row.

9 at 9 turned into 10 at 10 but was a huge success with beautiful weather and great golf.

December

Course Open until December 2

 

Gretchen Scouting Vacation Locations For Billy D

 Billy D thought he was going skiing this winter, looks like it might be water skiing instead

Post Turkey Day

Friday after Thanksgiving was a day off from work for quite a few Pot Gamers, so when 14 showed up to play it wasn't all that surprising.  There were a few Turkeys included who didn't make 9 at 9.  Chuckie created three teams.  Two with five players and one with four who would choose by coin flip the score of one the highest handicappers from the teams of five.

Bear's team playing with 4 (Tractorman, Billy D and Rama Yama) went out first at 10am after a 30 minute frost delay.  Team 2 Captained by Otis consisted of Skrocki, Birdie, Fireman and Johnnie Hilow went off next.  Team 3 lead by Luke had Jed, Dougie, Deacon and Mark (little Hilow).

The teams on the surface seemed fair, but the results would prove otherwise as Team 3, finishing 2.5 holes behind team 2, wiped out the field with +4 front and back (3BB) to win all three sides.

Low scores of the day were Bear 73, Luke 75, Otis 78 and Jed 79.  There were 5 skins worth $14 a piece.  (Bear 2, Jed 1, Luke 1 and Otis 1).

After the round a few trunks were opened and left over beverages from 9 at 9 were consumed in the parking lot.  In some ways it is better than sitting on the deck.

Beer, Booze and Baileys

T-Day Pot Gamers minus Brad-Brian & Deacon  Photo By Triple N (on one leg)

The Commish

Gathering In Parking Lot

This years 9 at 9 on Thanksgiving morning was the best yet.  16 Players showed,  first to enjoy a few beverages in the parking lot and then to do battle on a bright sunny day.  Trunks flew open and an assortment of nips, bailey/coffee, beers all came out for a little pregame warmup. Because of minimal frost we were able to tee off at 9:40.  When noses where counted there were originally 15 players, so three teams of 5 were chosen on the first tee of North.  But just after the first team teed off Brad-Brian showed up wanting to play, thinking we were playing at 10am.  So Pudge dispatched Brad-Brian, Rama and Skrocki to join the first team of Otis, Mini, Tractorman, Blue Tees and Luke.  So two teams it would be with 8 on a team, which is what Pudge had hoped for all along.  Team Two was loaded with Pudge, Eric The Red, Jed, Jason (married Commish's niece, Friend of Jed's, Golf Pro, knew Eric and went to school with Luke), Bear, Deacon, Billy D and Commish.  They played 10 holes on the North (1,2, 3 Original 14 (4th tee to 10th green), 11, 12, 13, 16, 17 and 18).  All the way around Pudge was feeling guilty for having created uneven teams, his being the stronger with 3 Pros and two very low handicappers.  But the mystery of the Pot Game was at work and naturally Team 1 won in a cake walk with a score of +12 for 6 best balls to +19 for Team 2.  A seven shot margin that so astounded Pudge that when Bear asked him if Commish had left his money before he ran off for Turkey, Pudge said "Don't bother collecting the money, we're good".  To which Bear replied "I'm collecting our team's money because we lost".  "What...How did that happen" was Pudge's reply.  The smiling Team 1 members just waited for their $10 a man to be placed into their hands.

To say the weather was perfect would be an understatement.  True to form, Deacon was late to the tee, Commish dressed like he was headed to the barn to feed his animals at 20 below zero including shit on his shoes,  Otis told his wife he would go to the grocery store for her (failed to mention about playing golf), Jed drove in from MA, Luke dumped his kids off with Mrs Mad Dog, Brad-Brian pledged to join Bretwood next year and be a Pot Gamer again, Blue Tees had a thermos of his secret concoction, Billy D's back was shaky but held up, Pudge had a big smile as he saw car after car pull in the parking lot, Skooger and Coach both showed to wish everyone Happy Thanksgiving even though they didn't play and everyone enjoyed the golf, the libations and the camaraderie.  It was a very Happy Thanksgiving.   It will be hard for Pudge to top this year's 9 at 9 but we will have to see what he comes up with.  

Pre Thanksgiving Morsels

In their year long battle of a dollar a hole, Mad Dog two weeks ago lost $5 to Bear to move the YTD total in Bear's favor by $2.  It swung back and forth with Bear taking a $14 lead in the spring and Mad Dog peaking at $41 dollars during Bear's three month slump.  But with Mad Dog losing his peripheral vision the putts stopped dropping and drives went off to the right and the dollars moved to the Bear.  Mad Dog announced that he is retiring from competition next year.  Since he un-retired at least 8 times this fall we shall see what happens on the links in 2013.

Little Bow Pete couldn't match The Great White Hunter Birdie's Moose or The Sherpa TJ's Obama Country Bullwinkle, so headed west all the way to Iowa.  But he did find they grow them big out there as his trophy pic shows.  230 lbs shot from twenty yards with custom bow that he bought online.







Deacon's Annual Chili Party will be held December 12th at 6pm at the Bowling Alley.  Don't eat much that day as there is a mountain of food.  Be sure to compliment Barbara for all her hard work cooking the chili and mouth watering rolls, because you know the Deacon won't.  You should thank Deacon for your invite and he does take notice of how bowls you consume.  Stay out of Tractorman's way when he is circling back for more, those elbows are sharp.  Bring a few bucks to buy a pitcher of beer or three.  No Villagers need RSVP as this notice is not intended for them as per order of The Deacon.

Cheez has been given a gift of a lifetime by his children for his 70th birthday.  He is headed out to Pebble Beach and Spyglass in early December.  He has wanted to do that for over 30 years.  Now that he can't hit a ball out of his shadow and with the boys assured they will win every match, they invited him to go.

Don't Be A Turkey

Pudge's Annual 9 at 9 is tomorrow.  We should be able to play by 10am at the latest but there will be plenty of libations to sample in the parking lot before we tee off.  This will be one of the first times the course will still be open on Thanksgiving.  So tell your wife, girlfriend or Mother-In-Law you will be home for the feast but you have some important business to do first.  You stink at cooking or setting the table anyway so grab some booze from the liquor cabinet and head out to the course for a good time with the rest of the Pot Gamers.  Blue Tees will be there with his famous coffee concoction.  Commish will be there dressed as an Eskimo.  It is always better to get a little buzzed before you have to engage in conversation over dinner with all those relatives you can't stand.  See you all tomorrow.

But for you Turkeys who aren't going to come.  Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Notes From The Editors Desk

Cheez becomes a Villager snob when he arrives in Florida and stops all contact with his Pot Gamer friends in NH.  You would think when his only tasks every day are to play golf, eat lunch, take a nap, take a shower and get dressed for a cocktail party, he could find time to send an email or text. 

Commish has no time for golf despite the cold temps, because Mrs Commish has him caring full time for all her orphaned or abused animals she is collecting.   The latest are a horse and pony.  At last count he has 2 horses, 6 alpacas, 2 donkeys, 13 rabbits and a goat in the main barn.  The other building has 2 sheep, 2 alpacas, 2 turkeys, 2 rabbits and 13 non laying chickens.  That makes 29 water or feeding stations that have to be filled twice a day every day.  So you would think it would mean plenty of protein in his diet but no, they eat but he doesn't get to eat them.  Yikes.

Deacon entertained all the kids in the neighborhood on Halloween when he dressed up as a vampire while he passed out candy.  He stood in the doorway and when the little goblins would reach for the bowl of candy, he would pull out the cotton balls out of his nose and streams of blood would come pouring out.  What a guy, anything for the kids.

Chuckie wasting no time has already begun interviewing barmaids for his new Men's Locker Room Lounge.   By the looks of things his recruiting seems to be going well.  Who knew they would be wearing bikinis to serve the thirsty members.



 


Birdie had to hire a carpenter to reenforce the wall over his fireplace in his living-room because Bullwinkle's stuff head is coming in a few weeks.  Not sure if having Bullwinkle staring down at you is the best wall decoration, but to each his own.  Wonder what Mrs Birdie thinks?

Only The Fool Hardy Showed

With the temperature in the low 40s and wind blowing strong out of the north only 6 Pot Gamers showed up on Saturday.  Chuckie made up two teams.  Team 1 Mad Dog back at Captain with Billy D and Deacon.  Team 2 was Bear, Tractorman and Rama Yama. 

Mad Dog coming out of retirement from golf for the 8th time in a month discovered a new method of putting on the practice green.  He watched his putter go back and through instead of watching the back of the ball.  As he was rolling 12 footer after 12 footer into the cup he thought he had discovered the "secret" to low scoring.  Of course his new theory goes against every putting convention ever taught.  The Golf Gods don't like people who mess around with convention.  You guessed it, he made nothing on the course until the last hole.  End of that theory..  Deacon being down a few quarts of blood from last week when his bloody nose refused to stop dripping, showed up with mortared nostrils and cotton balls as a backup precaution.  Of course the Doctor told him don't play golf, bend over or drink any alcohol.  And he proceeded to violate all three but did survive all 18 holes.  Billy D with cranky back warmed by a heat wrap lasted about 4 holes before his back locked up in the cold windy conditions. 

Bear's team played like it was a balmy 50 degrees with no wind as they cruised to a sweep of all sides with a +2 front +3 back +5 overall.  Mad Dog's wounded warriors went +7 front +15 back for a grand total of +22.  Rama played steady with drives long and straight with clutch putts rolling in to go with Tractorman's solid all around play in terrible windy conditions.

Low scores of the day were Bear 73, Tractorman 79 and Rama 83.  In other words, Rama beat all of Mad Dog's team score by himself.  There were 7 skins worth $4 a piece.  Tractorman 2, Deacon 2, Rama 1, Bear 1 and Mad Dog 1.

Bear plucked $7 from Mad Dog's pocket in their ongoing match so the YTD stands at Mad Dog up $3.

Down Goes Bambi

With a healthy number of Pot Gamers turning to hunting this time of year the Gazette is more like Outdoor Life Magazine than a golf blog.  The Great White Hunter's Sherpa TJ,  headed out to Obama Country to try his luck at getting a liberal white tail and to go deer hunting.  After walking the woods for days with no luck and being completely bored he decided to bring his driver along with a dozen balls to get a little practice in before 9 at 9 on Thanksgiving.  He set up a make shift range next to a big clearing not too far from his stand.  The first couple he hit were pure high fades just like Pudge taught him.  But the next few were the biggest snap hooks you ever saw.  Meanwhile his hunting companion was pushing a big buck toward the clearing, knowing TJ was suppose to be in his stand on alert.  As the buck approached the clearing it stuck its head around a big pine just as a Titleist Pro V going at laser speed from a duck hook off TJ's driver hit him right between the eyes.  The little Sherba bagged his trophy without ever firing a shot.  (notice in the picture there is no blood) 

Sherpa TJ & Bambi

It's A Miracle

Eleven Pot Gamers drove through the fog on Saturday to play some golf before the storm of the century moved in this coming week. With an odd number of players they struggled to make fair teams. Mad Dog would make 12 but he said he couldn't play because he had too much to do. But with a little cajoling he decided to join in. But he insisted he was a C player with his self appointed 8 handicap because of impaired vision.

Team # 1 Captained by Triple N included Birdie, Joey M and Skooger. Team # 2 Captained by Bear included with Dougie, Billy D and Fireman. Team #3 Captained by Tractorman included Skrocki, Mad Dog and Chimney was without a doubt the dream team to watch out for.

On the front nine Triple N's team edged out Bear's team by one +6 to +7 (3BB) with Tractorman way back at + 13. But the back nine was a different story. Bear's team faded away with +11 but Tractorman's team roared back with a +3 to edge out Triple N's +5. So Triple N's team got 2 sides and Tractorman's team got 1. Bear's team got a $20 beer.

Low scores of the day were Triple N 74, Mad Dog 76, Joey M 77 and Dougie 79. There were 7 skins worth $8 a piece (Joey M 2, Tractorman 1, Bear 1, Birdie 1, Billy D 1 and Dougie 1)

For the last several weeks Bear has been ridiculed for continuing to play Mad Dog in their Dollar A Hole match because of his impaired vision. But Saturday Mad Dog clipped Bear for $4 which made the YTD total Mad Dog up $10. So either there was a miraculous recovery of Mad Dog's vision or he has adapted to not seeing the right side of the golf ball. Deacon upon hearing the news has already submitted Mad Dog's vision recovery to Catholic Church for an official "Miracle".

Deacon was a no show on Saturday after getting a nose bleed so bad he had to go to the Emergency room to have it stopped. He will be back playing when he can figure out how to breath with his nose packed full of cotton and still be able to smoke.

Best Scoring Ever

With plenty of Pot Gamers in shorts and temps in the mid 50s it was ideal conditions for scoring.  Sandy figured out his GHIN index was higher than Bear's so he got first pick on the tee and within a nano second picked Walt the supreme "White Tee Slut" as his first pick.  Bear picked Skrocki and Billy D and Fireman was snapped up by Sandy.  So as both teams met on the 9th and 10th fairways, Sandy signaled his team was -1 (2BB) on the front which depressed Bear's team as they were only +1 playing the ninth.  So thinking they were two down Bear's team pressed even harder on the back.  Mad Dog, who was trying to find his game had joined up with Bear's group on the 2nd hole got a signal from Fireman that they were really +4 on the front from the 12th fairway.  So when Mad Dog reported to Bear's team that they had been lied to it inspired them even more.  Both teams played the back nine at +1.  Which resulted in Bear's team winning $10 for 2.5 sides of the Pot.

The low scores were almost all the scores as 5 of the 6 players were in the 70s.  Sandy 75, Skrocki 76, Billy D 76, Bear 77 and Walt 77.  Fireman threw in a very nice 83 considering he was chasing Bullwinkle's wife for 6 days just south of the Canadian border. Even Mad Dog got it around in only a couple over on the back

At least Billy D and Skrocki didn't go all "Jim DePalo" on Bear since they both beat him and both made all the team birdies.

How Cold Was It Really?

Tropical Billy and Nanook Of The North By Pudge Pics

As nine Pot Gamers gathered on Wednesday morning, it was hard to tell by the dress of a few if it was cold or not.  We had Commish dressed as Nanook Of The North and Billy D like it was mid-summer.  It was 42 degrees at tee off but with forecast to warm up into the 60s. 

Three teams were picked on the first tee of the North Course.  Team #1 Captain Pudge, Billy D and Commish.  Team #2 Captain Bear, Skrocki and Skooger.  Team #3 Captain Sandy, Mad Dog (he declared himself a 8 handicap B man) and Birdie (The Great White Hunter).  Team #3 looked very strong and their play on the front proved they were as they bested the field by 4 shots in 2BB with a score of +1.  However on the back Bear's team found their game and shot +1 which beat Pudge's team by one and Sandy's team by 4.  Which meant Team #2 and #3 split the pot with 1.5 sides each.

The low scores of the day were Sandy 74, Bear 76 and Pudge 78.  Everyone else was in the 80s.  Bear prevailed against Mad Dog in their auto dog match for $7 which means the YTD total is down to $6 in Mad Dog's favor.

Nanook did warm up enough to peal off a layer of clothing which he left on one of the tee-boxes for Mad Dog to throw in his cart so he didn't have to carry it around.  Skooger made a birdie for the first time in about 20 rounds but still barely broke 90.  Billy D is back to drawing the ball after a in-round lesson by Pudge.  The Great White Hunter was still riding high after his take down of Bullwinkle on Monday.  Captain America announced to all groups from his tractor with flags flying that he has made up his mind to vote Obama because he likes his motto of "Forward".  Huh...

It's Billy D's Fault

Bear received his first ever X and it wasn't even by the little weenie Commish, but from all the Pot Gamers on the deck on Sunday.  Billy D having made a luncheon date with is daughter and son needed to leave the deck early so he handed the pot over to Bear to distribute.  The Pot was short by $40.  Then Bear remembered he forgot to collect from Pete.  But it was still short.  Then he reached in his pocket and found Deacon's money which he had failed to place in the Pot.  Immediately arms were raised in the form of an X and the chant of "Give Him An X" rang out from the deck.  Billy D should have known better than to give the Pot to someone who couldn't handle it.  A very Cheez like moment.

Sunday started out rather cool at only 40 degrees at tee time.  Nine players were broken into 3 teams playing 2BB on the North Course.  Mad Dog made some strong teams and it was too close to call as to who was stronger.  Team #1 was captained by Mad Dog with Joey M as his B and Billy D as his C.  Team #2 was Captained by Tractorman or Tomahawkman with Skrocki as his B and Rama as his C.  Team #3 was Captained by Bear with Bow Pete as B and Mr Money himself Deacon as C.  Bear's team raced out to a big lead with a score of +2 to Mad Dog's +7 and Tractorman's +8.  On the back Tractorman came in with a +6 to edge out Bear's and Mad Dog's team score of +7.  Bear's team did take the overall with a +9.

There were 4 skins worth $11 a piece.  Bear 2, Joey M 1 and Bow Pete 1.  Low scores of the day were Bear 73, Tractorman 79  and Joey M 82.  Everyone else shot in the 80s with two exceptions in the 90s.  Deacon won 2/3 of the Pot keeping his Chimney like streak of cashing intact for another week.

Mad Dog came out of his self imposed retirement from golf to play one last time which meant an automatic match of cards with Bear.  Bear prevailed by $11 (Mad Dog could only produce $8 from his pocket) bringing the YTD total to Mad Dog up $13.  It seems that the "flick at the bottom" technique doesn't work if you lose some peripheral vision.  Who knew.

Breaking News: Bullwinkle Dead

Birdie called the Gazette a few minutes after 9am this morning to report he shot his moose weighing in over 700 lbs with 9 points. His Sherpa TJ was at his side for the last three days as they traversed swamps and woods mile after mile. It took three days of hunting to bag their big boy but it also took a toll on the lucky lottery winner Birdie as his knees were aching as was his neck from sleeping in a chair. However Birdie now knows every golf score TJ shot for the entire summer as well as where all his longest drives came on which holes, that's really what wore him down.

Great White Hunter Exhausted

Birdie and Sherpa TJ holding Bullwinkle by his rack

They had an official photographer with them to capture the moment. TJ told the Gazette, Birdie spotted Bullwinkle and took him down with one shot in a logged off area. Birdie brought along some "twine" to haul away his moose.




Looks more like clothes line than hauling rope. We have no idea how they are going to get Bullwinkle out of the woods and to the check-in station.  But if they make it back to civilization it  looks like moose meat for all Pot Gamers... Congratulations to Birdie and TJ

Update:  Bullwinkle Hauled Away By Tractor

He Wins Again

Deacon has been raking in the money every Pot Game he plays despite what he shoots, which usually around 85. Today was no exception.

With fog enveloping the entire course 10 players showed up to play a little 3BB on the North course. Two teams of five were created by Mad Dog. Although it looked very evenly matched on the first tee it was not on the course with the Deacon winning aura in full bloom. Bear's team of Skrocki, Bow Pete, Deacon and Skooger vs Sandy, Tractorman, Dougie, Billy D and Rama.

Bear's team won the front +3 to +8 and the back +1 to +7. There were 7 skins worth $7 a piece. Sandy 3, Bear 1, Tractorman 1, Skrocki 1 and Bow Pete 1.
Low scores were Sandy 72, Skrocki 76, Bear 77 and Bow Pete 78. Everyone else shot in the 80s.

There were only a few Pot Gamers who dressed appropriately in shorts for the 70 degree weather (Sandy & Skrocki). Everyone else was very uncomfortable in long pants. Bow Pete got new shoes with no cleats just nubbles on the bottom. Which when he stepped in your line on the greens which he did often left a waffle iron pattern in the soft turf. Try putting on waffles sometime. Yikes more like the Cheez everyday.

Six Was Enough

Last Wednesday six Pot Gamers showed up for battle. Bear's team of Billy D and Skooger took on Sandy's team of Skrocki and Blue Tees.

Bear's team by a single shot took the front on the North +7 to +8 (2BB). But the back was another story as Sandy whipped his team to victory with a +1 to finish off Bear's team by 4. So Sandy's team took a whole $5 home.

Billy D was playing great on the front using a thermo wrap on his cranky back, but it was not enough to keep it loose on the back nine. So as each swing became more painful, Skooger had to step his game to save their team but he couldn't handle the pressure. Meanwhile all of Sandy's team was shooting 39 or better on the back nine.

Low scores were Sandy 76 and Bear 76. Everyone else was in the 80s.

Frost Delay

At 8am on Saturday, Bretwood looked like a winter wonderland with frosty fairways as far as the eye could see.  The 6 Pot Gamers who braved the chilly 34 degree temperatures had to wait until 10am for the fairways to turn green and wet. Mad Dog created two teams of three.  One powerful dream team and on very ordinary team.  The "dream team" was captained by Mad Dog with Skrocki in the B slot and Billy D as C player.  The other team was captained by Bear with Tractorman as B and Deacon as C.

Because it is the Pot Game way, the dream team came out on the short end.  Bear's team shot +2 on the front to open a 5 shot lead as Mad Dog's team struggled to a +7 score.  On the back things started to unravel for Bear's team and they were caught and passed by Mad Dog's +4 to +7.  So Bear's team ended up with 2/3 on the Pot.

The chilly conditions didn't produce low scores as only one player broke 80.  Low scores were Bear 74, Billy D 81 and Mad Dog 81.  Everyone who birdied a hole got a skin.  Skins were worth $4 a piece (Bear 3, Skrocki 2, Deacon 1 and Tractorman 1)

Bear took $8 from Mad Dog making their match YTD in favor of Mad Dog $24.

Rumor Roundup

You guessed it, after only two weeks back at the Villages, Cheez has been kicked out of another group already.  The Eight Eighties revoked their invitation to him.  They play from the Senior tees which are in front of the ladies tees.  We have learned that in the two times Cheez played he has not been able to break 80 even once from the Sr tees.  "We have standards and Mr Sandstrum has not been able to meet those. So we had to let him go," said the Eight Eighties Commissioner.  Ouch...

Commish has opened an investigation as to how Deacon who consistently shoots in the 80s continues to win pot money and skins every weekend.  "He is up to something and I plan to get to the bottom of it," Commish said.  Deacon refused to be interviewed for this story.  The Gazette thinks the answer lies in his "Man Purse".  More on this later.

Mrs Commish has been online shopping at the Ice Cube No More Store, specializing in Arctic men's wear.  She bought Commish electric boxer shorts to keep his boys warm during the cold fall playing conditions he is always complaining to her about.  We hope there won't be any short circuits.

Pudge has announced that the 2012 Nine At Nine on Thanksgiving morning is a go. When Blue Tees found out he immediately went to the liquor store to resupply his Bailey's Irish Cream for his special concoction offered up in the parking lot. Even if frost prevents playing that day, it is always a good time see fellow Pot Gamers on Turkey Day.  Come over for a libation at least.

When you walk by Fireman's Forest on the first hole on the North course you will notice the dedication plaque already has a few dents in it. Mad Dog has narrowed the suspects who may have caused the dents down to Fireman, Chimney and the duck hooking TJ.  We think they are all guilty.

Tractorman has been frustrated with his game lately and has been taking it out on his equipment.  Last week he tomahawked his 5 iron so deep in the turf he had to go get Big Blue to pull it out of the ground.  His wife decided his talent shouldn't go untapped and has signed him up for real tomahawk throwing competitions this winter.   He could be a big winner if he could use golf clubs instead.

Dougie after looking at the temporary shelter Bretwood built for Chelso last winter to practice in has donated his architectural skills to design a post & beam state of the art practice barn.  It will have remote controlled barn doors, solar heat, real grass mats and a gym for Chelso's work outs.  It is so large that starting in 2013 there will no longer be any room for members to practice.  Are you kidding me.

Rama had to go see the doctor recently because he thought he blew out his ear drum.  It seems after a bad shot he has been trying to hold back from filling the air with his favorite expressions like "Swahili Cock Boxer" or "Sons of Beetches".  Holding back has built up tremendous pressure behind his ears causing him to think his ear drums had been damaged.  The doctor told him not to hold back, to let go with every obscenity he can think of as a way to relive the pressure.   So prepare yourselves for more Ramaisums filling the air soon.

Mini claims he hasn't been playing at all because he has been so busy landscaping.  Yet he has been shooting low scores.  So the Gazette placed a hidden camera (borrowed from Birdie's Moose Cam collection) on the 40mobile to see if he was telling the truth or not.  What we found was he and 40 playing 6 to 9 holes every evening when no one was around.  Caught in the act.  The Gazette wishes to thank the anonymous tipster who turned us on to this information who goes by the alias Captain America.

With rumors swirling that Mad Dog is really going to retire this time, we interviewed Chuckie as to what if any plans he had for the Pro Shop upon Mad Dog's retirement.  He pulled out from under the counter a set of plans for the renovation of the lower level of the Bretwood Club House.  The plans revealed a new members lounge (men only) with leather couches,  LCD 70" TV and private bar to be staffed with Keene State coeds.  It doesn't stop there as there will be a locker room (men only) with free shoe shines and mahogany lockers with brass name plates.  Can't wait for Chuckie to take over.

Chilly Road Show

Pudge, as NHPGA Tournament Chairman, arranged for the third year in a row a Pro Am at the very prestigious Bald Peak Golf Colony in Melvin Village, NH.  http://www.baldpeak.org/

It is a Donald Ross classic design which opened in 1921.  It overlooks Lake Winnipesaukee so the views are spectacular .  Course conditions could not have been better with tees that looked better than Bretwood's greens and greens that were fast with false fronts and mounds that looked like elephants were buried under them. A real gem.

Pudge has a long list of players who expressed interest in getting to play Bald Peak, so he has a tough choice as to who to piss off every year.  This year the lucky players were Commish, Billy D and Bear.

Knowing they had to be there by 10am for the shotgun start, the boys decided to stop for breakfast at the infamous Tilton Diner.  Commish froze his ass off just having a smoke outside the diner, so he was already getting nervous about how cold it was going to be on the course.  They didn't even make it 10 miles before someone had to stop for a piss (too much coffee) and his name rhymes with hat.

Pudge's Car Cam

As they made their way through Meredith NH, they realized there was a guard house they had to stop at along the driveway to Bald Peak.  Pudge was confident he could get Bear and Bill D through the gates but wasn't sure if Commish's picture was on a security list or not.  But alas they all made it past "Rich" the security guard without an incident, although he did give Commish the once over.

Pudge's Dash Cam

After unloading and packing up extra gear in case it snowed or rained, they headed over to the Pro Shop to get their carts.  Commish and Pudge started to load their bags on one of the carts but suddenly switched to the other cart marked with their starting hole number.  So Billy D and Bear took their original cart.  It wasn't until they sat down did they realize why their two partners had switched.  There was no windshield and no canopy for the clubs.  After calling Pudge and Commish a few choice words, Billy D decided to ask the head pro nicely if he could switch carts with another group who hadn't picked up their cart yet.  No was the answer plus a dirty look for even asking.  So he and Bear drove down to the range freezing as they went.  It was going to be a long cold day.

The club house is Bretwood like but 300 times bigger and a little more luxurious.   You also have to remove your hat when you enter as Billy D found out when Frank the NHPGA director mentioned it to him.

After Billy D spotted Commish with a new Bald Peak hat, (his first of the year since he couldn't win one off Birdie),  he decided he wanted one too.  So into the Pro Shop he went.  He found one he liked but the clerk told him it had a magnet on the bill which is ugly.  "Was he sure that is one he wanted?", she asked.  He replied yes, he will remove it later.  She told him it would not come off, but he thought she was crazy.  He could get it off later.  (it doesn't come off) Correction as of Friday Billy D removed ugly magnet.

On the way out, Billy D asked again since all the carts where gone was there any possibility of switching carts.  The Pro told him they may have one and if they did, they would bring it out to hole 4 where they were going to start.  Bear was laughing at him because the look on the face of the Pro suggested it was never going to happen.  But Billy D persistence paid off as just after they teed off a cart with windshield and canopy was delivered equipped with a rear view and side mirror as well.  The group behind them was very jealous as they had the open air variety as well.

They played well but not well enough because they missed the money by one stroke with a score of -7.  The fairways were very generous but the rough was long and thick even around the greens.  The greens running at a 10 were tough to navigate.  So if you were lucky enough to get on the green in regulation, your work was just beginning.   If few more putts dropped, they were right there for a pay day.

They didn't seem to mind not winning or cashing as they were treated to a huge spread of food from salads, hamburgers all the way to ice cream and cookies.  The best part was $2 drafts.

Yes, of course they had to piss on the way home, after all, those were $2 drafts.

Weekend Roundup On Thursday

Saturday on the North course 16 players showed up despite the cool temperatures and the threat of showers.  Even the Commish with poor circulation in his fingers made an appearance.   It was one of the most talented groups as well.

Team #1 Captained by Triple N with Little Bow Pete, 40 and Chimney appeared to be ones to beat, until everyone got a look at Team #2.  Which was Captained by Mini with Tractorman, Dougie and Billy M, wow what a powerhouse.  Then along comes team #3 Captained by Pudge with Bear playing out of the B slot, Deacon and Skooger, pretty good team as well.  But the real dream team emerged at the end when Captain Mad Dog called out his team of Sandy, Birdie and Commish. Yikes, how could they miss winning it all.

Well when the smoke cleared, Pudge's team won the front with a 3BB score of even par and followed it up with +2 on the back to win 2.5 sides of the pot.  Mad Dog's team with a furious closing score of -3 on the 17th hole, also shot +2 on the back to get a pocketful of change with a half point.

There were 6 skins worth $13 a piece (Pudge 2, Mini 1, Deacon 1, Triple N 1 and Sandy (eagle 17) 1).  Low scores of the day Bear 72, Mini 73, Pudge 76, Sandy 78 and 40 78.  Bear pocketed $7 from Mad Dog making their YTD total in favor of Mad Dog by $32.

Sunday had a real nip in the air as the temperatures dipped into the low 40s at tee off.  A few weenies (Commish) stayed away but 9 did show up to play the South course.  All the teams seemed to be evenly matched and on the front that was the case as only one stroke separated all the teams.  Team #2 Mini, TJ and Deacon shot +4 to tie Team #3 Sandy, Skrocki and Dougie.  Team#1 Bear, 40 and Rama were left out in the cold at +5.  Mini's team took command on the back to shoot -2 (2BB) and take 2.5 sides.

There were 5 skins worth $9 a piece (Sandy 1, Mini 2 and Skrocki 2).  Low scores were Mini 72, 40 76, Sandy 76, Bear 77 and TJ 77.  In all 6 player broke 80, 2 were in the 80s and one poor soul shot in the 90s (although he kept the score so not sure if it was accurate or not).

Top Fives

With over 35 Pot Gamers playing at various times through out the Summer, there are categories that certain players fit into.  Here are the top five in various catergories.

Most Oblivious To Their Surrounding Or Partners

1. Red Dunn- Drives his cart to his ball even if it blocks his partners approach shot to green and constantly walks through putting lines of others
2. Little Bow Pete- makes a habit of walking through partners putting lines on the greens
3. House- Tries to drive every hole ignoring Captains advise and definitely dances in partners lines on the green.
4. Cabot- Always tries to putt out even if it means walking in everybody's line.
5.  Cheez- Thinks getting a pin is beneath him and after he misses a putt tends to mumble while others are putting.

Most Likely To Recount Every Shot After His Round

1.  TJ- with emphasis on how far it went.
2. Cheez- mostly the misses or near misses
3. Mad Dog- lots of missed putt talk
4. Penguin- from missed drives to missed putts
5. Bear- all about the ones that didn't fall forgetting about the ones that did

Most Likely To Roll His Eyes

1. Commish- usually followed by caustic remark
2. Pudge- after someone says something stupid on the deck
3. Murt- doesn't really need a reason
4. Dickie Mack- hates everything
5. Deacon- when any of his mortal enemies talk (that's everyone except Joey M)

Most Likely Makes You Close Your Eyes When They Putt 4 Footers

1.  Red Dunn- Too much rolling hands back and forth
2. Chuckie- perfect practice swing every time
3. Cabot- hooks a lot
4.  Rama Yama- lots of body torque 
5. Deacon- been known to miss and keep walking to his truck

Most Likely To Find Fairway With Drive

1. Dougie- Straight is his only ball flight
2. Penquin- very low worm burners
3. Triple N- hover look bad but works
4. Sandy- high towering shots
5. Birdie- stinger when he needs it 

Sunday Sinners

12 non-church goers showed up for battle under gray skies to play a little 3 BB on the North course. Captain Mini with Dougie, Billy D and Mark cruised to a front nine +4, which blew away the field by 3 and 5 strokes. The back nine however belonged to the team of Skrocki, Bear, Red Dunn and Rama who shot +3. Although they struggled on the back with a +7, Mini's team edged out Skrocki's team for total by one. Meanwhile Tractorman's team of TJ, Deacon and Hilow struggled to a +21 total which netted them a $20 beer.

There were 5 skins (Mini 2, Bear 2 and Skrocki 1) worth $12 a piece. Low scores of the day were Mini 71, Bear 72 and Skrocki 77.

Highlights included a 6 birdie round by Bear and a 5 birdie round by Mini. Solid rounds by Tractorman 78 and Billy D 79. Each team had a player shoot in the 90s as the bumpy greens took their toll on scoring.

Village People Free Zone

As a light mist fell 10 Pot Gamers teed it up on the South course without any Villagers moaning or groaning about the teams. They played quota because of the two threesomes and one foursome format. Using the 39 point system the team of Tractorman, Birdie, Skooger and Chimney tied the team of Bear, TJ and Deacon at -2 for the front. Bear's team then matched that score on the back but so didn't the team of Sandy, Billy D and Commish. The -4 score by Bear's team was good enough to take the total.

There were 4 skins worth $12 a piece (Tractorman 2, TJ 1 and Roy Boy Birdie 1). Low scores of the day were Bear 72, Tractorman 75 and Sandy 78. They were also the only ones who broke 80.

Highlights included Tractorman making 5 birdies, Bear making 4 and TJ making eagle on 10. The Oracle of Bretwood predicted the over/under for Commish at 81 he went under with 80 and Deacon at 85, he also went under with 84.

Tee times have moved to 8am for weekends and weekdays.

Ice Man Doesn't Cometh

Despite the gray overcast misty morning Wednesday, 8 Pot Gamers drove in from as far away as 45 minutes out to say goodbye to Cheez on his last day at Bretwood. But Cheez despite telling everyone he would show up, took a peek out of his window in W. Chesterfield saw a few rain drops and decided to blow off his friends for a little more shut eye. The Pot Gamers knowing Cheez would never not show up waited patiently past 8am for him. Once 8:15 came it became clear Cheez had iced his friends. So next summer he will need to write to the Commish to ask for forgiveness in order to play in the Pot Game. Nobody likes an Ice Man.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Really Stale News

Last Wednesday with 10 players braving cool temperatures they played 5 against 5 on the North Course.  The team of Walt, Bear, Chuckie, Billy D and Blue Tees blitzed the team of Skrocki, Bagger Pete, Cheez, Skooger and Fireman with a score of -4 (3 BB) on the front and followed it up with a +2 on the back and -2 total.  Bear shot 32 on the front, but two 3 putts on the back kept him from a career round and had to settle for a 69.  GHIN computer refused to allow the score to be posted as it was way below his normal scores.

Cheez purged from his Sticks group in the Villages just got word that he has been invited to play in another group called Eight Eighties.  Cheez thinks it means they all shoot in the 80s, but it really means that they are all in their 80s.  At least he will be the "long knocker" in that group.

Tractorman made an appointment with an Investment Councilor recently to get advice as to how to invest all his winnings from the Pot Game.  He thinks his great play this summer has moved his retirement up by at least 4 years.

40 has been silent on whether his October tournament is on or off.  Deacon refuses to play because he thinks it is too close to the format of his Invitational.  I think he is calling it 40 & Friends.  He bought the rights to that name from Tractorman who never used it.

Commish still in a rut shooting in the mid 80s.  Mrs Commish shared with the Gazette his ego was crushed this summer when Birdie whipped him not once but twice.  She said she has to kick him out of the house to play because he has lost his desire.  It is so bad that he lets the Alpacas out of their pen so he can chase them around the neighborhood, just for something to keep his mind off golf.

Fireman has really immersed himself into Moose hunting mode.  Besides scouting his territory for Moose scat he has put himself on a diet of leaves, aquatic plants and berries and scratches his ass against big pine trees. Wow that is a bad case of Moose fever.

Billy D's scores are going lower since he dumped the cut for the little draw.  Our investigation however uncovered another reason for his good play.  Gretchen has been giving him nightly massages always with "happy endings", which has him loose and flexible.